Reflections of a Teacher

Like the rest of America, the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy has broken my heart. I avoided the news stories until today, because honestly, I was already struggling enough emotionally that I just didn't want to become a complete basketcase when I first heard rumors on Facebook that something horrific had happened to a bunch of young kids. I'd gathered bits and pieces until finally reading two short articles tonight. What I have gained through this is more empathy for families I don't know, and a greater desire to treasure every second with my kids. Because, I know I don't.  I whine, and get tired of answering to "Mama" some days, and forget how quickly our lives could be changed forever by losing one of these little people. So, right there, the day before my Elijah turned 5 years old, I slumped down into a state of melancholy, struggling with the idea that children barely older than he is, were gone forever. I have cried for their families. I cried for the teachers and principal. I reflected and I have felt pretty rotten.

I was a first grade and second grade teacher to nearly 90 children, over a period of five years. I loved those kids as much as I could without being their mother. I wasn't yet a mom, and I sure was not perfect, but I did passionately love those kiddos. They taught me so much, they challenged me, and loved me, and they were treasures. Every year was my favorite group. James and I spent time getting to know them even outside of class, and have kept in touch with so many of them, as they are now adults and some are even parents themselves. Going through those five years of teaching was such a wonderful education for me. Being responsible to nurture and educate, and spend more waking hours with many children than their parents were able to...it really, really was a job I took seriously. We still quote awesome sayings by many of those cuties. I still remember the Scripture passages we memorized, and am so grateful that they were part of our schoolwork, because many times through the years, I have reflected on those words.

James and I recall how their parents took us in as a newly married couple, and were great encouragement and examples to us. We remember painful stories of loss and grief those little children faced - of pets,  grandparents, siblings, and even a mother. They shared their lives so completely with me, telling me all about their favorite shows, sports, birthday gifts, and vacations. I was at a Christian school teacher, and our Bible time each day was precious. We prayed for several needs daily. A funny part of that was that early on my first year, I realized that prayer requests could go on ALL day. I couldn't open up the floor for everyone to share, or really, it would never end. I struggled with how to handle this, because I sure didn't want to discourage them from asking for prayer. So, I created a Prayer Box, and the kids would write their praises or things they wanted prayer for, on little notes I printed off, and would put them in the box in the mornings. During Bible time, I would read three and pray aloud for those. Then, later in the day I would read the rest and pray on my own for them. There were a lot of pets who had already died that they wanted me to pray about :-), but in general, most things were genuine, realistic needs and I loved how strong their faith was.

I have thought several times this weekend of what I would've done if our school had faced a situation as horrifying as the one in Connecticut. I have pictured my classrooms, which were all by main entrance doors except for one year, and imagined if we could've gotten the kids out in time if a gunman had entered our building. Could I have hidden them or helped them escape quickly enough? I can't explain the pounding heart that came as my mind went there. I think I would've tried to do whatever was necessary to protect their lives. I am so beyond grateful that I never was faced with any kind of dangerous situation. We were blissfully unaware that such violence would ever happen in a school setting back then.

I hate that now, it is normal to see security cameras all over schools, that the phrase "lockdown procedure" has ever been invented, that a School Resource Officer (policeman on duty and on campus) is standard for public schools. I know why they are, and I'm grateful that we have the protection at Isaac's school, but it is so awful that this is necessary in the world in which we live.

I am beyond grateful for those teachers who will return to work tomorrow, and face questions and heightened emotion and kids who have no idea what happened on Friday, and plenty who know every detail. I am praying for those professionals who have given their lives for years, to invest in children who aren't theirs, and who lead schools, and coach, teach, and counsel every day. Please pray for those families who have been forever impacted in Newtown, and please remember our own kids and schools, in our own towns as well. God has graciously protected us from such a situation in our area.

These verses are my favorite from those teaching years. I have seen them posted often the past few days, and they bring such comfort. He is our only source of comfort in times like these, and I love reading the Truth again.

Psalms 34:14-19

Depart from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. 

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to blot out their name from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all.

The whole Halloween thing

I really don't like confrontation and conflict. I avoid it if possible, unless it means compromising values I hold dear. So, Halloween is a yucky time of year to me, since discussions concerning it seem to abound and dear friends of ours are on both sides of the topic. Now, I love the fall. My birthday and James' are in the autumn, the leaves are changing colors, there is cooler weather, football, and family celebrations that all make it special to me. I dread the end of the month though, when Halloween is around the corner, because I really don't like the holiday. Since I was a little girl, I have been uncomfortable with it. We did trick-or-treating for a few years, then my parents felt convicted that we probably shouldn't anymore, and I don't remember any great feeling of loss, since I wasn't crazy about it anyway.

There are tons of reasons why folks abstain from celebrating, or embrace Halloween, and you can google them and read articles on both sides for hours. However, I'm just sharing our personal family conviction here. I'm not asking for anyone to endorse it or disagree, but wanted to put it in writing, since this year we've had to explain it better to our kids, who had more questions than in years past, and this is how we did it. This is lengthy, and has taken days to finish, so read when you can.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This verse was a major factor in our thought process over the years in parenting and just living. As a family, we attempt to keep our focus on things that are good and pure, every single day of our lives, and think our focus should be the same even on holidays. Halloween might not bring thoughts of evil witches and Satan worship to you, and you may enjoy simply trick-or-treating as a family, or get really into the decorations and ghosts and goblins and all, which you think are lots of fun. However, to us, there's just really nothing fun about spookiness, creatures that are ugly, or associated with the dead, or the all-out gross things that are so prevalent in stores this time of year. Regardless of any deep 'proof' of whether Halloween is right or wrong for the Christian family, we just don't see why anyone would want to surround themselves with things like this. There is enough ugliness in the world that is real, that we don't feel any need to add more stuff into our lives and home to remind us of it on a daily basis.

A sweet friend was sharing recently about how when in doubt on a topic that may not be clearly discussed in the Bible, she prefers to always do the thing which seems like it would be most likely to please the Lord. It was a good point - When in doubt, don't. I think that's reasonable and makes sense. I try to really think whether or not Jesus would participate in choices that I make, whether that sounds silly to some or not. Would he watch the television shows or movies I might, would he listen to the conversations of gossip I do, would he laugh at children in witch and ghost costumes, or would these things sadden him? He has suffered enough for me, and I am determined to try and not cause Him any more pain or grief by choices I make. I do blow it sometimes, and I'm very aware of that. I've had to apologize, several times, just this week for words that were unkind and actions that didn't please Him, so I don't pretend to have it all together. It's just something I'm working on and I don't need more to repair, so want to get this right, now.

Also, using moderation has been discussed on this topic and I agree that moderation is absolutely important in some areas. However, there cannot be moderation in adultery, drunkenness, gossip, or other obvious sinful activities, so that isn't a valid excuse to participate in just anything. Associating with things that are even thought by others who are like-minded believers as evil or anti-God should be enough warning to carefully consider whether it's beneficial or not to our Christian walk and to our testimony. I do think it damages our integrity to say we love God and want to live for Him, but then we do things just like the world does, and defend it as fun, or for the kids, or all about the candy. That really is a hedonistic, selfish sentiment, and not something very godly either. We aren't supposed to blend in and look like the rest of the world, so I don't ever want to use "Everybody's doing it" as an excuse. Believe me, it would be easier to participate and dress my kids up and celebrate this weekend like many folks I love. I also don't think we should try to be as weird as possible to be God-honoring Christians. If the reason for our actions is to glorify us, or call attention to ourselves, then our motives aren't pure, so I have to keep pondering that too. My brain gets tired, just thinking about it all, but I suppose that is the Holy Spirit challenging and stretching me, and it's a good thing.

If you really haven't considered the background on this holiday, or why it's now celebrated as it is, or what those who are against our Christian beliefs think of it, you should read some articles on wikipedia or many other online resources. Whether or not you think Halloween is a day for witches and Satanists to celebrate or not, there is great rejoicing going on by those who love evil and not good. I'm just repulsed by the haunted houses all over, and the fascination with death right now. There are many pagans, non-Christians, and actual followers of witchcraft or sorcery who sincerely believe that communicating with the dead is much easier at this time of year due to the barrier between our world and the spiritual realm being easier to cross during the Halloween season. That should give us some pause. The Bible adamantly opposes witchcraft and sorcery and demonic spirits, and warns of their very real presence, so I would rather steer as far away from these things as possible, and not get as close to them as I can, even under the pretense of "fun."

Here are questions we personally had to ask, and believe me, I'm looking at several areas in my life, not just Halloween. Yuck. It's hard to be convicted, but I am, and wanted to share what I'm learning.

If we believe Jesus is life and came to give us life beyond anything this world can offer, why would a holiday focused on death and gruesomeness appeal to a believer?

When the world fully embraces something, shouldn't that cause a believer to carefully evaluate whether or not he should do the same?

Since there is so much good in serving and loving others that we could be doing, should we waste time on things that don't do that?

God is worthy of myriads of angels praising Him for eternity. So, we should be more focused on honoring Him anyway, then devoting time to any activity that doesn't glorify Him, or witness of His goodness to others. Isn't anything else really just a waste of time?

I'll close with the Bible. If I've been totally wrong or offensive up to this point, hopefully these verses will still be taken properly. These are Scriptures that are some of my favorites of all time. I have them on index cards, in a notebook, and in a file on my computer, to read and meditate on often. It's neat how they seem to have a recurring theme, which I guess means that I've had to drill them into my head so I can keep trying to live out what I say I believe. They further remind me to stick to my convictions.

Psalm 34:14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. (So, avoid it if it even might be evil, and do the right thing!)

Psalm 40:5 Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. (So, I better get busy - no time to waste).

Psalm 96:1-3 Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. (I need to praise and honor Him daily, with every action and thought and word).

1 Peter 2:9-12 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation. (He's given me a whole new life! Others are watching and I don't want to waste an opportunity to honor God).