Friendship, gratitude, and hope

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Friendship is a multi-faceted thing. I have lots of friends and am grateful for how God weaves people into the fabric of my daily life. Some are sort of like main characters in the drama and comedy that is my current life: wife/motherhood, homeschooling, Christian living.... Then there are others who have guest appearances for a time, and then our paths become divergent for a while. We reconnect, and maintain a casual relationship, but they are not folks I talk to daily. We all have those lifelong friends who have been through so many ups and downs with us, that we will always remain close, despite some breaks in frequent communication. Some of those lifelong friends have been friends for over 20 years, and some are more recently gained. I'm amazed at how I think that I have such a full heart, blessed with sisters, not of blood, but of tears, laughter, common focus, and then God brings another precious friend into my life. It's a blessing to learn and grow from them.

This post is about one of those friends that I didn't go looking for, but whom God placed in my life to challenge and stretch me in great ways. The fact that our common bond was initially forged through homeschooling and parenting wasn't even that apparent. We weren't close friends though we traveled in the same circles, lived in the same little town, and our kids belonged to the same sports team and school groups. We knew of each other, had emailed some, and smiled and nodded when we crossed paths. I knew of her reputation as a mom and someone who was involved in her family's life to a wonderful extent - her priorities were her family and God.

The way we became friends was through loss. Our friendship's foundation is built on grief. That's a hard way to learn the ins and outs of a person, when they're most vulnerable, and could be so fragile emotionally. It's also a way to grow to deeply love a person, when you share their great heartache and see them emerge through the darkest days, determined to be stronger, to fight through the pain, and to live, even when it would seem easier to just give up on life. Friendships typically are a blend of giving and taking, and sharing the burdens and the joys. When grief is involved, you can't go into a relationship expecting anything of the other person, but must be willing to only give. What I found though, was that my friend still gave, even when she was heartbroken and in gut-wrenching pain. She responded kindly, encouraging me, and was always patient with my questions, and my awkward stumbling through conversations as I tried to not hurt her when we talked. Gradually, I shared more, and she answered my wonderings about many subjects with her opinions or experiences, and we had more and more moments of laughter and normalcy. 

Today, I can't imagine not having this friend as a confidante and example to follow. She has given great amounts of time to my own working through grief, and never says she can't listen, or it's too hard on her. She continually points to God as her source of strength through the years since she lost her daughter, and hers isn't a newfound faith. Her dependence was on Christ before Abigail was killed, and has only grown greater since that day. Her testimony is powerful and she is determined to give Him the glory for any good that has come out of their family's tragedy.

Thank you Brandy, for being my friend, and for being a shining light of Hope, that honors our Lord, and your sweet girl.

Reason #4,879,694 why I love my husband

If you know James at all, you are probably aware of his kind, sweet nature, easy-going personality, and sense of humor. As his wife of nearly 13 years (!), and the person who hopefully knows him better than anyone, I am in awe of many other wonderful traits of his. The one that I'm focused on currently is his complete lack of selfishness and the sacrifice he continually makes to support our family. He is a giving person by nature, and is known for his servant-heart. However, the other night, I witnessed something that reminded me again how utterly devoted he is to loving us and providing for our family.

James has passionately loved helicopters for years. He has even trained us to love them, and the kids and I are so attuned to the sound of one, we can hear them before most normal people! James can identify the type by just listening to them for a second. It's amazing. He has also desired to be a flight nurse for years, and knowing his experience as a paramedic and his natural gifts, I wholeheartedly supported his decision to go back to school to become a nurse several years ago. He did very well in school, and was quickly hired afterward, to work at Children's Hospital in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. His experience there has been great, and he has enjoyed the relationship with his co-workers in the unit, as well as the opportunity to care for little and/or sick babies. His ultimate desire to work on Children's Transport Team was realized last year, when a rare, full-time position became available. Though the shift was still a 7 day on/7 day off shift, the shifts are longer (12 hours vs. 8 hours), and the pay is actually less, we decided that he would take the position, and we would see how it worked with our family's needs. It's still a night position, so he works all night and then comes home and sleeps during the day. After 8 months of this, James loves the job as much as ever, but we have really had to struggle financially, and with the fact that each work night, he leaves at 6 pm, so one week out of two, dinner, bath, and bedtime is all up to Mama. And, with 3 little people, that is hard. It's not impossible, and we have certainly survived. But, it's become more and more necessary for James to try and pick up extra shifts in the NICU, to supplement what he makes while already working 84 hours in a week. That is just crazy!!


So, we have recently come to a decision that the money isn't the only issue, but our family needs him around more, and so he will be going to go back to his position in the NICU. This was long-prayed about, but is still very sad to me. James has a great attitude about it, thankful that he had the months he did on Transport, but I'm so disappointed that he can't earn enough, and be home as much, doing the job he'd prefer. Thankfully, he does love working in the unit also, so it's not drudgery to return there, to folks he loves, and babies he is so great with.

Then, there was the incident that pushed me into a sobbing fit Monday night, and led to this post. We had enjoyed a family trip to the Zoolight Safari at the B'ham Zoo, and then dinner afterward with our dear friends/family, the Barlows. Dear James, of course, didn't get to eat, since he had to head to work. I took his dinner to him after we finished up, and he was heading out on a call right then. The kids and I have never been able to see him leave on the helicopter, and though we didn't get to go to the helipad, we observed from the parking lot below. When we heard that awesome "thwack-thwack-thwack," we just squealed and cheered! It was so amazing, and we saw him waving out of the window, as we jumped up and down, waving back. I can't describe the emotion and pride I felt as he was taking off, knowing that he LOVES that, and he's leaving it - because of us.

I'm crying right now just picturing how he lights up when he talks about the helicopter job. However, he is so thankful to just be employed, whether it's the position he'd love the most, or not. We do have so much to be thankful for, in a struggling economy, with so many folks willing to do any kind of work whatsoever. Believe me, I know that. My point here is just that my sweet husband is again demonstrating the same character and integrity he consistently has had ever since I've known him. It is a humbling, awesome thing to be loved so much.

Thank you, sweetheart. We are so thankful God gave us you. We love you more!

The Week of Elijah: Sibling Love

I loved this photo best from a photo shoot I did of my three sweeties one night last January. Isaac and Abigail have adored Elijah since before he was born, and this picture shows that pretty clearly.

12 years so far...

On June 22, 1996, I married the love of my life. Yesterday we celebrated 12 years of marriage. Wow! As Micah, one of our groomsmen, said last night, "That sure went by fast!"

Actually, yesterday was our anniversary, but James was working a 24 hour shift since he swapped with another co-worker, so we celebrated on Saturday. A nice lunch date for the two of us (and Elijah, of course), while the big kids were with friends, was a special treat. We picked up a piece each of white and chocolate cake from Olexa's, to commemorate our wedding and groom's cake Diane had made a dozen years prior. It's as good now as it was then!

We reminisced throughout the day of special 'dozens' from our marriage. Those will be future posts, hopefully this week. It was fun hearing each other recall significant events, or places, or memories, and the reason for choosing them. James and I are usually very alike in our taste and thought patterns, so we were in sync on most of the items on our lists, which was neat. My husband is definitely my kindred spirit, and I know that all couples can't say that about their spouses, so I'm very thankful that he truly *gets* me, and enjoys spending time with me, and seeks to care for, encourage, lead, and shower me with love, daily. I'm blessed beyond measure.

I once heard someone say their wish for newlyweds was, "I hope your wedding day is the worst day of your life." That sounds so cruel, but the point was that from that day forward, they wished them to only grow closer, have more joy, and a stronger relationship, than they did on the day they vowed to share their lives together. As wonderful as our wedding day was, we have treasured so many days since then as greater blessings, and even the hard lessons learned, as better days. Since at any moment, we could be without each other, each day we have together is better than the one before. I pray that you know that kind of faithful love, which is such a beautiful picture of God's unconditional love to us.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart! I love you forever.

Love-ly moments

The past week has been filled with some sweet moments with friends and family. Unfortunately, Valentine's Day itself was somewhat odd, since we had several appointments, and James and Isaac had a Cub Scout meeting, and then James went to work, so we didn't really get to do anything special as a couple. It was a good reminder though, that we shouldn't just love our sweethearts on that day, since with three young kids, romantic dates are few and far between! I am thankful we both know that and accept it, and work hard to keep our relationship growing, because I know that doesn't happen by accident.

A good example of that give and take, and meeting each other where we are, is how James and Isaac had a special Cub Scout banquet the other night, and I had the opportunity to have a girls' night out. It was such a rare occasion for me, and since Elijah and I would've never survived the 3 hour banquet, I was so glad to escape and be with friends instead. We had coffee, a movie, and Mexican. It can hardly get better than that! We laughed, shared hard stuff, and celebrated the news of the beginning of the life of a new little one. It was remarkably special. Elijah was passed around and loved on too, so stayed very content throughout it all. James had the big kids, who enjoyed time with him, and so that was awesome.

During the week, Elijah began to coo and giggle more, and we just totally enjoyed that. I savored moments where Isaac talked to him, trying to get him to respond, and when Elijah lit up with a smile at his big brother, it was awesome! Abigail has been such a great helper, and loves being a little mama to her baby brother, and is eager to help soothe him if I'm cooking or something, and happily runs to grab a diaper or burp cloth whenever I need her. However, she says she doesn't plan on having babies herself. Actually, she says she's never leaving me, or getting married or anything. I told her we'll see about that at a later date. :-)

Our youth and college kids had a benefit dinner at church Wednesday night to raise money for students going on mission trips soon, so we really enjoyed their hard work at serving our meal and entertaining us, plus getting to visit with other couples while our kids were cared for in another building was great too.

We love holidays so much, and celebrating Valentine's is a favorite time for our family. James woke us up that morning with goodies - sweet cards and candy for everyone. We had Chick-Fil-A for breakfast with a group of friends from church, then had a Valentine party where the kids decorated their bags and received lots of treats and cards. We love having such a close-knit community to share life with. Our kids get along well, and it was a fun time for those of us who homeschool, and our kids didn't miss out on the fun valentine exchange I look back on fondly from my school days.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope you all feel very loved by our Father today, and the special folks in your life. Here are some verses I've been pondering about love today.

John 13:34-35 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Psalm 145:8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Psalm 117:2 For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD.

Psalm 118:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Psalm 145:8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Romans 8:35-9
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.