New life

I think God's timing is simply amazing, for bazillions of reasons I am not going into right now. One though, just happened this morning. A little background:

Back in the fall, as I was cleaning out the herb garden, I found a few caterpillars on my dying parsley plants. I knew a cold snap was coming, so brought them in and put them in a butterfly house we had been given for Isaac's birthday. We fed them well and within days, the two caterpillars made chrysalises. They wintered over, and miraculously, one did turn into a butterfly and we released it in February. After a sad week of grieving for our friends' loss, Abigail came running through the house this morning, as we were getting ready for church, shouting, "Mom! Mom! You won't believe this!"She was right - I hardly believed her when she told me the second caterpillar chrysalis we've been waiting on for months had hatched a beautiful swallowtail. We assumed that this one was dead in the chrysalis, but just couldn't bring ourselves to throw it out. Then, today, it shed that old life, and was released in our yard. What an encouraging moment for all of us. I'm so thankful for spring, and the signs of life all around us. They give us such hope in hard times. I pray you'll see that hope everywhere you look this week!!

Helloooo....

Long time, no blogging, it seems. We have been adjusting lately with the whole return to the real world that is so hard following holiday fun, and then had several hard weeks of James' dad being in and out of the hospital. We made a few trips back and forth to visit him, but more than anything, were really drained emotionally because of our concern him. God was gracious and he is now home and doing better.

For now, things seem to be settled a bit and we are enjoying 'normal' life. This is James' last full week on transport before he goes back to the NICU. I am definitely looking forward to his being here in the evenings more when he switches back. With a busy 13 month old who doesn't love to sleep, bedtime has become extremely hard. Trying to get all 3 kids in the bed has been a several hour process lately, and I am looking forward to having my sweet partner's help again.

Speaking of the baby, it's been a while since I updated this blog/baby book on him. I'll make my next post an Elijah update.

Gingerbread Improv

This was our first year to do a gingerbread house, and with great enthusiasm, Abigail and I completed this one last week, while James was at work. Isaac was not too interested in the detail work, and Elijah was sleeping while we did it.













Of course, in my tired state of mind, and clumsiness of fingers, I quickly dropped one of the walls of the house. It broke, into lots of pieces. Being the "Oh, don't panic - it's all right," kind of person I am, I started pondering how it was going to really work. We kinda needed that 4th wall....





I thought for a moment, and then it came to me! I reassured Abi and we got to work. I'm happy to present to you the Vines Gingerbread House 2008, complete with a stained glass window!!!

All those squished, rolled flat colorful little gumdrops are covering up an icing-glued, fragmented wall. Such a sweet metaphor for life, huh? I'm so glad that God continually puts my clumsy attempts at life that end up a mess back together in a beautiful way.

Happy Sounds

Some sweet summer things I've heard this week:

FAMILY---
- Isaac and Abigail saying, "Turn up the music!" in the van while DCB's "I Saw the Light" was playing

- Isaac and Elijah playing pat-a-cake, with lots of giggles at the "throw them in the pan!" part

- raindrops, for the FOURTH day in a row! YEA!

- Abigail tearing through the house to change from bathing suit to dance leotard because she 'just had to dance' in the living room right then

- slurping lime slushies from Sonic (1/2 price from 2-4 pm)

- James. He's off for a few days. :-)


---and FRIENDS:
- Zane, who loves Elijah, asking for 'my baby' on the phone

- Isaac talking to Benjamin, sharing the current plight of broken bones in the summer heat

- Drew and Abigail happily playing, like old times. Our little Drewbie is almost 5!

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Random thankfulness

Just a few things I'm thankful to God for today:

- a hospital bill for $250, because the before-insurance bill for E's delivery would've been $23,000 (and that's just the dr. portion...)
- spring is in the air momentarily
- our salvation and eternity aren't based on our country's president, thank the Lord
- my sweet daughter who picks daffodils from our yard to make me smile
- my big boy who had a great week in school and was so brave at his orthopedist appointment
- a healthy baby boy who melts our hearts all over again every single day
- a precious husband who folded 4 loads of laundry with nary a complaint and brought home Bluebell, instead of Publix, ice cream, though I said the store brand would be fine
- fellowship and Bible study with godly, dear friends who are so REAL
- a weekend I'm so looking forward to: half is an escape to the lake with aforementioned friends while my parents keep the big kids, and then the rest is time for the kids and me at my parents' home, soaking up and sharing the love
- the Bham St. Patrick's Day parade our family annually attends, and is actually going to be IN this year (such a little thing is bringing great anticipation and joy already to our kiddos)

7 Rungs

Here is a great article for homeschooling parents, or probably just families in general, though the author is referring to homeschoolers. I found it on Christian Women Magazine's site. Here's an excerpt:

"Our choices add up.

Habits into hours, decisions into days, lists into a life.

The way in which we live our moments, our choices for the gift of the next 24 hours, are rungs on a ladder. The rungs take us somewhere. These moments are rungs scaling each and everyday… making a life."

This is really one of those timely things I needed to read, and had to share in case any of you are struggling with finding time for priorities, fun stuff, work, and other obligations and juggling it all.

Maybe this is what a few of us needed to remember

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

quote of the day

Courtesy of Caedmon's Call -

This world has nothing for me, this world has everything
All I could want and nothing that I need

Thoughts on dying

Here are some of my favorite quotes on this blog's current happy subject of death.

This one is a quote my Dad loves and pointed out to me years ago, by Jack London. Wow, it's good.

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

Then, here is Rich Mullins' own favorite song he wrote and which fit him so perfectly, he seemed to be a prophet as well. He was snatched from this life in a freak, sudden car accident, and I don't think it broke his heart to leave either.

Elijah

The Jordan is waiting for me to cross through
My heart is aging I can tell
So Lord, I'm begging
For one last favor from You
Here's my heart, take it where You will

This life has shown me how we're mended
And how we're torn
How it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free
Sometimes my ground was stoney
And sometimes covered up with thorns
And only You could make it what it had to be

And now that it's done
Well, if they dressed me like a pauper
Or if they dined me like a prince
If they lay me with my fathers
Or if my ashes scatter on the wind
I don't care

But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
Well, it'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye

There's people been friendly
But they'd never be your friends
Sometimes this has bent me to the ground
Now that this is all ending
I want to hear some music once again
'Cause it's the finest thing I have ever found

But the Jordan is waiting
Though I ain't never seen the other side
They say you can't take in
The things you have here
So on the road to salvation
I stick out my thumb and He gives me a ride
And His music is already falling on my ears

There's people been talking
They say they're worried about my soul
Well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking
'Til I'm sure it's my time to roll
And when I do

But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
Well, it'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye

Psalm 40, and U2's version, must be part of my funeral/homegoing service, whatever it's called.

Psalm 40:1-5
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

And, this song by Rich has to be played.

Be With You
Rich Mullins

Everybody each and all
We're gonna die eventually
It's no more or less our faults
Than it is our destiny
So now Lord I come to you
Asking only for Your grace
You know what I've put myself through
All those empty dreams I chased

And when my body lies in the ruins
Of the lies that nearly ruined me
Will You pick up the pieces
That were pure and true
And breathe Your life into them
And set them free?

And when You start this world over
Again from scratch
Will You make me anew
Out of the stuff that lasts?
Stuff that's purer than gold is
And clearer than glass could ever be
Can I be with You?
Can I be with You?

And everybody all and each
From the day that we are born
We have to learn to walk beneath
Those mercies by which we're drawn
And now we wrestle in the dark
With these angels that we can't see
We will move on although with scars
Oh Lord, move inside of me

And when my body lies in the ruins
Of the lies that nearly ruined me
Will You pick up the pieces
That were pure and true
And breathe Your life into them
And set them free?

And when You blast this cosmos
To kingdom come
When those jagged-edged mountains
I love are gone
When the sky is crossed with the tears
Of a thousand falling suns
As they crash into the sea
Can I be with you?
Can I be with you?

Rich's comments on this song:
"I always like reviews that you get in magazines by people who don't have a clue as to what's going on. Not that I think I get necessarily bad reviews. I just think they criticize the wrong things about my albums. This guy said that this was a morose song, because it dealt with death. And he said, the rest of these songs are pretty nice on this album, but this one is really morose, and it's kind of maudlin, and it's about dying. You know, I think it's a bizarre thing that in the first century, Christians looked at death with a great anticipation. And in primitive Christianity, death was considered a wonderful time. That in the Old Testament, it says that we should celebrate the day of a man's funeral and not the day of his birth. And yet in sophisticated twentieth-century America, we look at all those church traditions and the wisdom of God, and we scoff at it. And we say that people who want to die are morbid. I don't particularly want to die because my life is bad, because I probably have the best life in the whole world. I don't have to work for a living or anything. When I left the farm - I grew up on a farm - and when I left, I said, 'God, do anything, but don't let me work.'"

for Grayson

This post is in honor and memory of a woman I had very few personal encounters with. Her name was Kathy, and she touched my life so profoundly, that it's almost hard to describe. I taught school for almost 5 years at a great local Christian school. I loved teaching there, and I had great experiences with awesome families and co-workers. It just was a super time in my life. I miss a lot about it, though I'm thankful to be home now, teaching my own kids. My last year with 1st graders, I had a student named Grayson. As the new year began, we had the typical open house/meet the teacher time. I remember meeting Grayson and his family, along with 17 or so other families that night. His mom was really sweet and stood out in the way that she quickly recapped their summer, preparing for first grade, her concerns and hopes, and overall just seemed like one of those moms that really is involved and will be someone you can count on. She had several close friends in the class, and it was neat to see the familiarity between them. We began school that week, and it was a normal transitional time, but proved to be a great class immediately. Within the first couple of weeks though, Kathy sent a note letting me know that she'd be going in to the hospital for an outpatient test because of some recent headaches and other problems. Her note was simple, but she mainly wanted to let me know who would pick Grayson up that afternoon, and asked for prayer for their family. I saw her in carpool that afternoon, and didn't even get to speak, but waved goodbye as they pulled out.
What happened next was like a horrible nightmare that lasted for the next seven and a half months. Some of the events are fuzzy to me, but basically, the test showed a mass on her brain, and the physician opted to go ahead and do a biopsy. During the biopsy, there were complications that caused Kathy to go into a coma. She was unresponsive for days. In the meantime, Eddie, Grayson's dad, had his dad and stepmom help with Grayson and Kathryn, his almost 2 year old sister. Kathy's parents were no longer living. When Kathy finally did come out of the coma,with stroke-like symptoms (immobility and loss of speech) there was only bad news. The mass was malignant cancer, a glioblastoma-an aggressive, inoperable brain tumor.
I remember just being shaken when I was told, thinking she was too young and healthy-looking to be terminally ill, and with young children, surely God would not allow that diagnosis to come true. Throughout the fall and winter though, we went through the many changes in their family with them - home nursing care was brought in, various chemo meds. were tried, and families in our school rallied to support them. I set up a schedule of different moms to take Grayson home after school each day to do homework with him and care for him so Eddie could work some, and we had volunteers from throughout the elementary school do meals for them, nearly every weekday for months, so there was one less thing for Eddie to deal with in the evenings. Kathryn had friends help care for her and overall, we tried to keep their routines as consistent as possible. Because of Kathy's godly character and friendly nature, many families knew her and were eager to help. It was a powerful thing to see these families just take this burden on as an extended family and love on Grayson and his family.
I visited Kathy several times during those months, assuring her we loved them and were trying hard to love on Grayson like she'd want, and I shared things he'd accomplished in school. She rarely spoke, but she always smiled gently and softly said, "Thank you." She had been a gifted songwriter and guitarist and there was usually praise music in the background when I visited their home. I always left so sad, seeing her condition worsen each time.
We knew after the first of the year that things were not getting better and the chemo wasn't working, only had caused her to lose her beautiful, auburn hair. My class had prayed for months that God would heal Mrs. Kathy if it was the best thing, and we discussed how that was what we wanted, but we wanted Him to do what was right. It was hard to try to teach that, much less mean it sincerely myself. I had no preparation for dealing with the subject of death with first graders and no college course helped me know what to say. I just prayed and cried with them, and was as real as I knew how to be. They knew it was likely she would not get better and were so compassionate to Grayson that it just touched me. I think they all grew up a lot by going through that experience together. One of the Scripture passages we learned each year really came to be our rock to lean on. We probably said it daily during that time - it comforted us so much. It talks about how we aren't immune to trouble as believers, but that God does know and He will deliver us - sometimes though in different ways from what we hoped. Here it is:
Psalm 34:17-19

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all.

When March 10 came,and God finally relieved Kathy's body of her pain and suffering, she left this earth after being surrounded by family and close friends, singing songs she loved, around her bed at home. Her sister-in-law called me that night, and we just cried together as she told me the struggle was over.
Grayson missed the next day of school and I had to share with the class during Bible time that his mom had died that night before. The kids' faces were so sad, some seemed surprised, and it was so quiet as I told them that God had decided Mrs. Kathy's life was over on earth. I got very teary and knew it was important that they still trusted God's hand in something that seemed so awful to us at the time. I asked, "So, do you think that God answered our prayers?" One by one, numerous kids nodded, and someone said, "Yes - he did what was best." It was a profoundly touching moment, where I really saw child-like faith in action, and I just sat there with tears flowing, and told them how thankful I was that they knew the truth. We again said our verses together and just spent a lot of time hugging that morning.
Grayson came back the next day and I'd warned the students to be careful with him - to let him lead us with the conversation. If he wanted to talk about his mom, we would. If not, we'd just say we were sorry and leave him alone. He came in almost as bubbly as ever, and several kids had made him cards, just of their own volition, and gave them to him. I heard many say, "We're so sorry about your mom, Grayson," and he'd just say, "Thanks." It was amazing. The next few days were hard, as we prepared for the funeral and tried to be normal in the class, and also very sensitive to the way the children handled the loss of a friend's mother.
That Saturday, my Mom, James and I went to Kathy's homegoing celebration. I have yet to be in any worship service that came close to matching the incredible praise that was offered that day. Numerous friends and family members spoke, a video of photographs and video clips of Kathy and Eddie were shown, even from as far back as their dating years when they were young teens. There was footage of her playing her guitar and singing, and I was so glad to hear her beautiful voice. We sang songs, praising God and the way He'd blessed so many with her life and testimony, giving heart and God-honoring example. The Gospel was shared and many were touched by the Truth that gave a family such courage during such heartbreak. I was blown away by the hundreds and hundreds of people whose lives had been touched by this lady, and it was a true testament to the beautiful life she'd lived. There's a lot to be said for grieving with hope, too.
Each year in late August I think of the day she went into the hospital and each March, I think of how she left her family at such a young age. It's a sad memory, but also one that shows God's incredible grace because of the way He's moved in her family even after her death. Eddie has remarried a beautiful, godly woman who loved Grayson and Kathryn as if she'd given birth to them. Kathryn probably will never remember much of her Mom, but Diane has done a lot to keep her memory alive in both children. It warms my heart to run into them occasionally and see how God continues to use them as a light to others. Kathryn is gifted musically like Kathy, and could hardly resemble her mom more. She sings specials in church, at the young age of 10, and I know she'll continue to be encouraged to share her beautiful voice.
When my own Mom was diagnosed with cancer last year, Eddie was one of the first people I told, because I wanted him to know that their experience was one of the only ones I had ever had with cancer, and it just meant a lot to have his concern and prayers. Our story ended so much happier, and we're blessed to still have my Mom with us today.
I could go on and on with this story, sharing quotes I kept from Grayson, questions he asked about his mom and heaven, and more, but mainly, I just want to say how our lives are such fleeting things and we never know how long we're going to have on this earth. We have to be careful to make the most of them and I wonder if we give much thought to the legacy we'll leave behind. To close, I have to share one of my favorite songs by Chris Rice.

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living

A Legacy

As you may have guessed from previous posts saying how much I wish God would just take us on to heaven, I'm one of those people who has given a lot of thought to the kind of funeral I want. I'm not necessarily fatalistic or anything. I have no morbid fear of dying, but I do think that I want to be sure when I do go, that people actually notice and care. It's not so much because I want to feel important, but because I hope that while on earth, I have touched people's lives.
I've got notes typed out in a rather long document for my poor husband to use when I do kick the bucket, of just how my funeral should go. I despise sad, somber affairs that people sometimes have, as if dying is the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. On the contrary, I am much more afraid of living like life is worth nothing, than dying and spending eternity in heaven. The past couple of years, I've been so concerned that I live the life God called me to, and that I live it FULLY. I want to soak up all I can of this sad and beautiful world while I'm here, and I want to impact others so they see the joy we should have as believers. We've been given so much - I mean, air, food, our health - basic necessities are a big deal. But, God is so good that He throws in bonus things like kindred spirits, inspiring music, hydrangeas, vibrant sunsets, babies' giggles, kittens, frappaccinos - I mean, we could live without these things, but we don't have to - we're surrounded by displays of His love for us daily. How can we ever be sad and mopey and ungrateful?! (I'm preaching to myself here). So, as I ponder all this stuff and share it with you, dear blog readers, ya'll have to now be accountable that if I do die before any of you, make sure James serves Bluebell at the funeral, and there are to be no carnations in any flower arrangements. I despise them. I want lots of laughter and music and people to go, "Wow - we'll miss her and all, but isn't God so awesome? Because, He obviously was the reason for her joy." Believe me, I'm not going to be crying - I'll be singing along with you, finally in tune, after a lifetime of wishing I could.
Anyway, I'll be posting more in the next week I'm sure about life and death and how God's done some cool things these last few years to let me realize my views about those 2 things were pretty messed up. I may even share some of the funeral plans with you. Seriously though, hopefully, my ponderings will allow me to be even more mindful of how fleeting this life is, and that I don't have time to waste. I better get busy.
So, here's the song - you knew I had one. :-)

Nichole Nordeman
Legacy

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such 'n such...it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon destroy

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well done, good and faithful one"

quiz

You Think You Know Me?

Compliments of Karen

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Teacher
2. Pharmacy Tech at Big B
3. Plant Helper at E.C. Gaston Steam Plant
4. Library Assistant (Yea for Miss Taff!)

Movies I would watch over and over:
5. Any of the Lord of the Rings trilogy
6. Elizabethtown
7. Kingdom of Heaven
8. Seabiscuit

Four places you have lived:
9. Childersburg AL
10. Vestavia AL
11. Maytown AL
12. Birmingham AL

Four places you have been on vacation:
13. Savannah GA
14. Charleston SC
15. Easton MD (I miss you, Shewmake family!)
16. Orlando FL

Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Brownies with pecans
18. Chicken nachos
19. Greek chicken salad
20. Is a frappaccino considered food?

Four places I would rather be right now:
21. in Barnes and Noble with no time limit and a frappaccino
22. on a date with my husband
23. somewhere with snow
24. in Easton MD with Robin

Copy and paste on your own blog.
Delete my answers and insert your own.
Have fun!