weeping may endure for the night

I tried to push all this down and not blog on it. I just didn't want to go here, and have fought it all day...The topic is one I've covered plenty in the past and thought I was pretty done with it personally. Then, today it became apparent how very much infertility in my past affects me to this day. I'll back up and explain.

James and I are facilitating the study of a great book at church during our Bible study hour. It's Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore. You can read glowing reviews everywhere on this book, and I agree so far that it is really the best comprehensive volume I've ever read on actual physical adoption of children and also our spiritual adoption by God. We are just four chapters in, and have covered some great truth from Scripture regarding our status as adoptees by our Heavenly Father, and the call to care for orphans that is mandated in the Bible. There is SO much in this book and I can't summarize it to do it justice, so please just go read it. :-)

Anyway, today's chapter was for the couple who has yet to become parents, and then couples who already have children, and how adoption applies to each. I started the chapter honestly thinking how this would be hard for some folks in our group who have faced infertility struggles, and also might not apply to others, since we have couples who are planning to marry but haven't yet, and couples with biological and adopted kids, so there is a wide range of situations in our class. I didn't feel concerned in the least that it would be painful for ME, or that discussing the way infertility affects a couple can impact them so greatly. While reading the book, I even logically made notes, and thought through a great deal of Moore's opinions and stories, and found myself agreeing with it and not being disturbed or anything.

Then, today. We passed around the handouts with simple notes and references James and I'd put together to help us work through the material. James introduced the topic, and began with points of Moore's regarding the perspective many couples have when facing a life with no children. Moore reiterates that it is normal and healthy to feel deep sadness over not being able to conceive and he quoted verses mentioning Rachel and Hannah, and their groaning, desperate pleas for children. He discussed how many women especially feel abandoned by God when realizing that "barren" may be a term used to describe them, and the deep shame and hurt that can cause. Thankfully, he summed up that section saying how infertility (and cancer and other illnesses or conditions) are a result of the fall and sin, they are NOT issues related to our personal sin. We are not individually cursed with infertility because we've done something sinful. We live in a fallen world, with imperfect bodies and the effect of this earth being cursed as well.

Somewhere in there though, I really just became overwhelmed with sadness, remembering so many moments over years, of hurting and disappointment and downright grieving, when we could not have children when we wanted. I wanted to be embarrassed and snap out of it, but just couldn't. The tears started flowing, and wouldn't stop for a while.

Those memories are so vivid and painful, reflecting on the hurtful things people said, the feeling of failure repeatedly, frustration over others having babies they didn't even want, feeling I was just defective and the shame that brought, and the confusion over why God didn't answer us the way we were asking.

I am so grateful I can see, on this side of things, more of that big picture He was viewing, as I saw only the tiny pieces right in front of me. His timing was perfect, with each of our kids. Isaac needed a family when we were wanting a baby. We adopted him out of pure joy and complete commitment to raising him as our own son, the same as if he was ours biologically. He was not a consolation prize, but the answer to our prayers for parenthood. The shock of then finding out we were expecting Abigail was so incredible, after assuming the doctors were right and we would probably not conceive. Having them join our families within two years in different ways sure changed things. We were so happy with them and thankful for the two children - a boy and a girl - God blessed us with, but always felt if someone was missing. We considered updating our foster parents certification, and even started the process, then just stopped when James knew he wasn't ready to face the emotional upheaval while also in school and working full-time. I kept two different little boys for a year, each, and that was a sweet way of helping other moms who were working, but also filled our home for a part of every day with little ones. That was such a blessing to us all.

After another few years of failed attempts to conceive and more treatment, we surrendered that apparently two was our maximum number of children for the time, and adoption would have to be considered again later if we decided to grow our family more. We were fine with that, but just knew it was time to wait and renew our joy with the blessings we already had.

God's so funny. Within 2 months of that clear surrendering our plans to the Lord, I was pregnant again. It was quite an adjustment to start all over with a baby again, after a 5 and 8 year gap. We loved getting to know Elijah and his special place in our family. Settling in with him added to our routine was harder, though he was a sweet, easy baby, just because we were out of practice. When he was 18 months, I remember feeling like we'd turned a corner. Then, I was shockingly pregnant again, and incredulous. We still cannot explain how impossible this was medically and physically and yet, God had put that baby there! The up and down roller coaster of pregnancy with Owen, fear he was not going to make it early on, then his crazy long gestation, made it such an adventure. (All of these stories have been well-documented on this blog and the individual baby blogs for Elijah and Owen linked on the right, if you would like to read more!)

I have pondered all of this history and all I can say is that God's plan was so much better than ours. Waiting on our children hurt so deeply at the time, and that pain is obviously just below the surface still. It sounds silly to be crying over my struggle getting pregnant way back when, especially since I now am a mama to four children. I just know that He uses even that pain to help me be more sympathetic to others, and sharing our story yesterday just further pointed to Him - His great love, His sovereignty (even over endometriosis and an ovary removal), His grace showered on us, and I am so grateful. A class member messaged today to share how our story helped her in her own journey, and that sure made me glad we had been vulnerable, even when it felt awkward and embarrassing.

Above all, I needed the reminder and am so very grateful that joy comes in the morning.

Photos of the Week

Isaac doesn't love reading and struggles with finding anything worth the effort. So, you can imagine my delight when I found him asleep with a book two nights in a row. Thank you, Star Wars! So, maybe it's not C.S. Lewis, but hey - I'll take what I can get. :-)










Abigail asked two years ago for a dog. We told her she'd need to wait till she was a little older and more mature. We told her last fall that when we found out the new baby was to be a girl, she could have a female dog by her birthday. Her birthday is next weekend, and we've been searching the rescue groups and shelters for one that she'd love. It's been a journey, and she has surprised us by her discernment, maturity, and desire to get the best dog for our family, not just the first cute one she saw. Here's her choice. She'll join our family next week.

I'm very thankful for these big kids and their growth and unique gifts. I'm so proud to be their mom.

St. Patrick's Day Parade 2009

In keeping with my love of celebrating holidays, our family has enjoyed the St. Patrick's Day parade in Birmingham for several years. Last year's rainy weather caused us to venture into unknown territory, since we were so disappointed that we didn't get to go to the parade, we had our own. You can read of that adventure here. This year, the parade held new significance, since Abigail had been asked to be in the parade. She recently began Irish dance lessons, and her teacher encouraged her to participate in the parade and in a performance afterward with their school, even though Abigail would have only had 2 lessons by then. A few days ago, when we realized the forecast was not looking too promising for this year's parade either, I started warning Abigail that we may not be able to go, or it might be canceled, if it was pouring. It rained all last night, and all morning today, as we got ready to go. Abigail replied to my reminder of the weather with calm assurance, "It's o.k., Mom. I asked God to let it stop in time, and I'm sure He wants us to enjoy the parade and my dance." I passed her room later to see her kneeling by her bed, earnestly praying for God to please make the rain stop, because she wanted to be able to dance so much. That just nearly did me in. The rain wasn't supposed to move out till afternoon, and the parade started at 11:30.

Slightly concerned, we got ready to go, and headed downtown, as the rain grew heavier and heavier. Within that 20 minutes though, Abi's faith never wavered, and she just grew more excited. By the time we reached the meeting point for the start of the parade, the rain had absolutely stopped. The streets were soaked, but the skies were clear! I was so thankful, and again blown away by Abigail's sweet childlike faith. She loved being in the parade, and Elijah and I walked/strolled with her dance school, while James and Isaac, with my brother Jacob, enjoyed watching and taking some photos. The afternoon performance was a showcase of different Irish bands and various dance groups. Abi's teacher, Elizabeth, encouraged Abigail to get on stage with her and do part of the jig she's learning, and when I wondered if that was really a good idea, since she's so new at this, Elizabeth and her mom both said it would be great for her, and that the crowd would be encouraging. Well, they were right! Abi danced well, three different times, and got lots of applause, and many people came up to tell her how well she did, to be so young. She was the youngest dancer to perform, by several years. We are so grateful for her hard work, and even more so of her great faith, that is such an example to us. She is the sweetest little Irish lass we know!
P.S. Thanks, Uncle Jake, for coming!!

Pre-Christmas Rock

Abigail is like her mom in many ways, and one is her love of music. She decided last week that we need to crank out the Christmas tunes, though we aren't even decorating our house till after Thanksgiving. Her request was for the "Christmas Rock CD" and though I knew what she meant, it still made me laugh. We adore Trans-Siberian Orchestra and love listening to their music, and though it's been 11 months since we have heard it, Abigail hadn't forgotten her favorite, "the electric guitar song." It's actually called Wizards in Winter, and is commonly known as 'the song that guy programmed his outdoor Christmas lights to' and was all over the news a few years back. They are an amazing, non-traditional orchestra, with a lot of rock concert elements thrown in, like pyrotechnics and laser lighting. The musicians are so talented, and their shows are unique, powerful, and moving. We've seen them in concert twice. If you haven't, please watch a clip later on YouTube (maybe this one) to get an idea of what they are like.

Meanwhile, you can enjoy Abigail's appreciation in a video clip here, as well as a few photos. And, yes, Elijah was a little scared, and no, I'm not nearly as uninhibited in my enjoyment of them.

Amazing Grace

Make a Smilebox slideshow

It's been a full day for the Vines' family. We had some awesome stuff going on today that I have to share. It was another reminder that our kids aren't ours, but that God has just entrusted them to us temporarily. We dedicated our precious Elijah during this morning's church service, and our sweet faith family witnessed our desire to raise Elijah in a godly home. It was very powerful to be able to have those who love us, surround us and share in our joy that God has given us our children to raise and enjoy, for as long as we do have them. It was extra special that the Cottons were also dedicating Gabe in the same service, since Sandi and I have journeyed down some similar paths as God put our families together in His timing. The verse we chose for Elijah's dedication is our desire for all our kids. The word hope was a recurring theme for our family for years before Elijah was here, and our hope remains in Jesus, as we raise him.

Psalm 25:4-5 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Another blessing was that after a long wait of two years, Abigail was baptized today! She accepted Christ here at home, in September of 2006. At the time, I did feel she really knew what she was doing, because she initiated multiple conversations, and had serious questions about how Jesus comes into our lives, and she really struggled with conviction. We prayed one night, and she voluntarily repented and asked Jesus to help her change. I was thrilled, but also a little hesitant at first, wanting to see if there was true change and fruit evidenced in her life. Very quickly, James and I both noticed a change in her. Though she remains a precocious, strong-willed child, there is definitely an awareness of the Holy Spirit guiding her, a gentleness growing in her, and a desire to do right, that we can only attribute to her faith and the fruit of a maturing believer. It's been exciting to watch her grow.

So, after some delays, we finally found a date that we could combine both these occasions, so our family could come from out of town and be a part of the celebrations. I love that our church gives fathers the privilege of baptizing their own children, and James did a wonderful job explaining the awe we feel that our family of believers stood with us as we dedicated Abigail 6 years ago, and promised to see us through on the journey toward her salvation, and then Sunday that prayer was answered publicly, as the same people witnessed her declaration of her acceptance of Christ. What a great week of Thanksgiving for our family! Thank you to all who celebrated and worshiped with us. Life on earth doesn't get much better than this!

It was fitting that one of the songs we sang today had these lyrics:

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Cupcake: a photographical essay

James and I were packing up, getting ready to head home on the last day of our beach trip. The kids were watching PBS, and Abigail wanted a snack. I gave her the last of the red velvet/cream cheese frosting cupcakes I'd made at home, and brought along on our trip. I glanced over after giving it to her, mid-packing, to make sure she wasn't dropping crumbs on the couch or her dress that she brought to wear for me to take some last pictures on the beach. When I saw her simultaneously engrossed in the TV, and the cupcake, I got tickled. The colors were too cute --red/white couch, cupcake, lamp-- and she was oblivious, till right near the end (you'll know when she spotted me). I snapped away, and here's what I got. It just makes me smile. I sure love this girl.

A girly celebration

I'm sure if you're a mom, you agree with me that it is very powerful when a person really "gets" your kids. I'm blessed with some precious friends, who do love my kids as their own, and it seems like God has given each child a special person or two who really identify with them and bring out the best in them. Abigail has a special place in the heart of my friend Jenn. We couldn't get together a few weeks back, closer to Abigail's birthday, but last week, they had a playdate that went beyond just making up for lost time. It was a precious day, filled with details that Abi truly enjoyed and loved.
Abigail loves Susan from the Chronicles of Narnia, and Jenn planned many details to honor that passion of my daughter's. From their very own "Mr. Tumnus' tea party", to personalized gifts, Abigail was totally treated and adored. What a special memory!

Abigail is 6!

I was beginning to wonder if I could ever find time to blog about my sweet girl's birthday. It's been a busy last week and a half with two baby showers, Elijah cutting teeth and feeling poopy, festivities for Abigail on a couple of days, some family time, and VBS preparations for next week. I have to at least do a quick recap, because we had such fun celebrating Abi, and she is such a precious daughter and sister and blessing to our family.

We started her birthday morning-June 5-with a small gift: a Susan figurine, from the Chronicles of Narnia. Susan is her current favorite character, and she longs to be Susan, live in Narnia, be an archer like Susan, etc. You know, similar to the Laura/Mary Ingalls obsession of a few months' back. Anyway, she loved her Susan and Reepicheep from Isaac, and then we quickly got out the door to go blackberry picking at Petals from the Past in Jemison. These gardens are one of my favorite places anywhere, and Abigail is a nature lover like me, so enjoys going there and we planned to meet up with the Cottons and Gramma and Granddaddy. It was warm that morning, but we beat the worst of the heat, and had a great time gathering lots of huge, delicious berries. After that, we met up with some friends for a pizza lunch at Chuck E. Cheese. The girls played games and danced, and were silly and happy. And, we adults were thrilled to be in the air-conditioning, even if it's a crowded, loud, overstimulating environment. :-) She received some sweet gifts there and had doughnuts for dessert, which was big fun for her, and a break for me, since I had lots of cake to make later in the weekend.

We had time with just family Saturday evening, and ate dinner at Habaneros, like Isaac chose for his birthday dinner. As we were waiting on our food, Abi confessed she actually chose it because unlike her brother, she wanted the servers to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. After a few moments of waiting after our dinner, the band arrived with a shout, nearly startling us to death, and had us all giggling with their quick rendition of "Feliz Cumpleanos." She was very happy to be serenaded and we then shared a DQ ice cream cake for dessert. (Note to self: In the future, pick the cake up early so it can thaw to at least some, and enable the slicing of the cake to not break the mama's hand). There was an antique car show in the same shopping center, and we got a picture of an awesome old firetruck, but then looked at the rest of the cars from afar, since it was just too blasted hot to walk around on asphalt with bellies full of Mexican and ice cream cake.

I still remember many details from the day Abigail was born, and can't believe it has been 6 years since that day. She is such a passionate, joyful, creative little girl, as you can tell from the many "Kid Quotes" on my blog's sidebar. Her brain is always going, and she is very much a people person, with many strengths that will hopefully be molded by the Lord to glorify Him. She tends to be a child of extremes, and can be obstinate and overzealous at times, but also extremely giving and servant-hearted at others. Thankfully, she has a desire to love on people and please God, which is overriding some of her other not-so-great personality traits these days. It's awesome to see her maturing as a child, and also as a child of God. I usually use the word 'exuberant' to describe her. It means "joyously unrestrained and enthusiastic" and pretty much describes her 90% of the time. She is such a light in our lives. Abigail means her father's delight, and though she's always been sweet and wonderful, we are so thankful that she is learning to be even more of a delight to her Father, who gifted and shaped her to be who she is. Thank you Lord, for loaning us our precious Abi-girl!

The great gymnastics expedition

Abigail participated in an exhibition at her gym this past weekend. She has repeatedly called it an "expedition" for the last few weeks, though. She did a great job showing the skills she's learned in class since January. Our family was all able to attend, though we'd planned on at least one of us staying home with Isaac if we needed to. I think he was happy to get out of the house though, and seeing Gramma and Granddaddy, and his much-missed sister, were really good for him. Sweet "Aunt" Autumn came, as well as friends Jamie and Joel from church, to cheer our girl on. She was extremely bouncy and excited, and we had a blast watching her enjoy some time focused on her.

Short Video Clip:
She's always dreaded learning the balance beam, but actually did really well on it, hardly glancing down.


Here's a quick video we took after the crowd had left. Abigail's favorite thing to do is to climb the rope suspended from the gym ceiling. She's quick and adept to scoot up it, and shimmy back down, each time they get a chance, and part of her enjoyment of it may be the fact that no one else in her class has ever made it to the top. She quickly asked Mr. Craig if she could show her grandparents after the exhibition was over, and he graciously allowed her. Little monkey. She's something else.

A slingin' sister

Sweet, huh?

This was the other day when I was trying to do something and Elijah needed attention. Abigail said, "Here. Just put him in the sling. I'll hold him." She is so matter-of-fact about helping with him, like it's just the most natural thing in the world. I love it. So, I helped her put the Maya Wrap on, and we tucked E. down in there, and he was happy as could be. After this picture, she sat in the recliner and looked at photo albums with him for a while. It was pretty hilarious. She got tired eventually, probably due to his hefty self sitting on her and squashing her for so long.

If you're pregnant (like a bunch of you fellow bloggers), and don't have a sling or wrap for your baby, I would strongly urge you to try one. It is an incredible way to save your back and free up your arms, when you do want and/or need to hold your baby and still do other things. It sure makes shopping easier! Plus, snuggling this little bundle never gets old, but can be tiring and makes me weary if I don't have him in the sling. So, there's my commercial!

***[Important subplot - Yes, Abigail's face looks puffy, like she'd been crying. She had and was just getting over it. She had a wiggly tooth (#2) and it was hanging by one corner, pretty stubbornly, and was driving her crazy that morning. She'd worked so hard on getting it to that point, but then it started hurting, so she was tired and frustrated. She thought she looked like Nanny McPhee and was embarrassed by the way it was hanging and dangling awkwardly. I assured her she was way too cute to look like Nanny did, but it was a hard half hour. Thankfully, Abi asked that we pray about it to make her feel better, so we did, and she specifically asked God to make the tooth come out 'all by itself', since she just couldn't 'take it anymore'. I told her that doesn't happen really, but we'd just see. And, wouldn't you know, God let that crazy thing fall out in her sleep that night?!!! When we saw her that morning, and said, "Abi! Where's your tooth?" she didn't even know. It was in the bed, and had fallen out in her sleep, just like she'd prayed. I am amazed at her faith and my lack of it. Anyway, that was last Saturday/Sunday. She's lost another tooth since then, her bottom center left one - we're up to 3 empty spots in her mouth now. Just call her Snaggletooth.]***

Welcome to LHOTPaholics Anonymous!

Hi. My name is Abigail and I'm obsessed with the show "Little House on the Prairie." I mean, I love it so much and don't know how I've missed out on it my whole life! My Mom just introduced me to it a week or two ago, and now I'm checking out the DVDs every time I go the library. I love learning about life in the United States from a pioneer's perspective, there are awesome horses and Indians in the shows, and Laura and Mary are my heroes. I want to be like Mary. Or Laura. I can't decide. I told Mom that when I see Laura's smile, it just makes my heart so happy!

Anyway, today I got in trouble, because I was crying and carrying on because I love this show so much and want to see Laura and Mary and be with them in heaven. Here are direct quotes:

But I'm just so tired of this earth-I'm ready to go to heaven now.
I just can't stand it anymore!!!
I don't think I'll miss that much fun stuff here. Well, I'll miss you, but...not that much.
Why can't I just die now? I don't care if I never go to gymnastics again!

My Mom and Dad talked about an intervention, whatever that is, and now I can't watch the shows for a while. Apparently they don't want me dying anytime soon so I can go to heaven and meet the Ingalls family. They just don't understand me. It's so hard being me. Oh well. I guess I will just try to be patient and maybe if I'm nice enough and promise to quit being so dramatic, then I can see another episode later today. I just LOVE that show.

My little gymnast

We had a big day Thursday as Abigail began her long-awaited gymnastics class. It was a lot of fun, especially since at this point she's the only one in the class and got lots of one-on-one attention. We'd all planned to go and watch her, but James had to stay home and rest some. (He'd had a horrific 2 days in a row at work, only getting about 4 hours of sleep in between days where he lost two babies and worked about 30 hours, including teaching a pediatric advanced life support class). Anyway, it was great for us to focus on something happy, which Abigail certainly was. Her coach was super encouraging and they really accomplished a lot for an introductory lesson. Isaac was even all grins, just amazed at the skills Abi was accomplishing, or attempting. She's such an eager, brave, enthusiastic pupil, and even tolerated a ponytail for the special occasion, which is very rare. And, that crazy ponytail almost made us late, because it just wasn't tight enough at first, and then there were some loose hairs, and then there were some lumps, and she had to "fix it"....oh me. You don't want to hear all that though. I had to get the Mean Mama voice out. She can be a perfectionist and obsess about things sometimes, if you don't know her well. The hair is just one issue.

The perfectionistic tendency carried over, so, during her class, I got tickled a few times because when she would attempt a certain skill, if she didn't nail it perfectly the first time, she'd apologize and act a little embarrassed till her coach finally reminded her it was her FIRST day, and she was doing great. I think it finally sunk in, and she was pleased with herself. She never got frustrated really, but she wants to do well so badly. She actually told Isaac and me beforehand that she hoped we'd enjoy watching her on TV when she's "at the competitions". :-) She's got some big dreams, this girl. It's going to be a long week till next Thursday, since she's already counting down till the next time she goes to the gym. I'll let ya'll know when she's on television.

Basketball season is here!

Today was the first game for Isaac's Upward basketball league at a local church. This year, his team is the Tigers, and he's been eager for them to start playing. Two of the three scheduled practices had to be canceled due to bad weather, so we weren't expecting any great coordinated effort by the kids, to say the least. However, we were pleasantly surprised at their decent playing, and overall awesome effort and attitudes. It was great fun cheering him on, and we even had our own self-proclaimed mascot too! Yep, Abigail decided as soon as she knew the team's name a few weeks ago that she'd be their mascot, and wear a costume her friend Laney had passed down to her.

So, there we were today, with my parents, waiting on the players to be announced as they enter the gym, and as Coach J.J. ran onto the court, right beside him was Abigail, jumping and cheering all the way, in her little tiger outfit! I would've gotten a picture, but I was too busy laughing like a maniac! It was so funny and cute, and she was so proud of herself. I think we'd kinda figured she'd back out at the last minute, or just walk out behind the players, not bringing too much attention to herself. We guessed wrongly. :-) Then, Isaac came out, thrilled as could be and eager to play. She cheered off and on for the whole game, and it meant so much to Isaac that she was that enthusiastic. (He assumes it's purely her devotion to him that is motivating her, instead of a desire to be in the spotlight!) He played well, listening to instruction, and hustling the entire time. We were very pleased that both had such a great time and are thankful for such an environment for them to play and learn the sport without too much stress or competition.

Here are a few photos of Isaac and his team, and you may see a glimpse of his #1 cheerleader too. (It wasn't snowing in the gym. Apparently my laughter caused me to spit all over the lens or something...sorry!) Both of the kids got a blue star, for great effort, and were so pleased. Elijah's contribution was to sleep through most of it, snuggled on Gramma, and to look cute while doing so. He was successful as well. What a fun day!!

Child-like faith and a dead mouse

Our family loves animals. There's something very enjoyable and educational about having animals involved in our daily lives. We've learned many life lessons through observing and loving different creatures of God's. We have lots of pets, but enjoy animals from the "wild" also. This incident happened a couple of months ago, but I forgot to share it then, and it's just too good not to.

Among our menagerie, we have two cats. They are Merlin and Magic, and are 12 years old. They're sweet, easygoing, and generally tolerate lots of loving from our kids without even a tiny complaint. Very rarely, one will bring us a little gift, in the form of a mole or tiny mouse. This has only happened a dozen times probably in the dozen years we've had them. Either they aren't too appreciative of our providing food and shelter, or they just have no desire to hunt because it requires energy to be expended and they're lazy. One morning this fall though, Abigail and Isaac opened the side door to the driveway, and there lay a pitiful, non-living, little field mouse. Abigail immediately came running, saying, "Oh Mom! Come see this precious mouse that is asleep in the driveway!" I instantly cringed, thinking, 'Uh oh, this is going to be sad.'

So, I went to the door, and tried to gently explain that the mouse was no longer just sleeping, though he didn't look harmed at all, and had apparently not survived our kitty's playing with him. My sweet girl just listened with big eyes, so sad, and incredulous. I couldn't answer exactly why Merlin or Magic would have played with an innocent mouse, when they had no intention of eating it, but tried to explain that animals have instincts that makes them hunt (occasionally) and they are just doing what God created them for. She tried to understand, but was really just brokenhearted. She asked if she could sit out there for a while with the tiny mouse, and just watch after it. I said that was fine, and just to not pick it up in case it had germs.

She came in later, ready to do school, and asked me to come see "him." When I walked outside, I nearly cried at her sensitivity and the hope she had for this tiny creature. She'd moved him, "very gently with a shovel," she said, to the small trampoline we have, so he wouldn't be on the ground. Then, beside him she'd placed a square of cheese. I asked her what she did that for, and she said she had been out there praying for him, and though she knew he was dead, she thought maybe God would let him come back to life, so she wanted him to have food if God answered her prayer. She had been crying, but was very calm and really hopeful.

All day, she'd go glance out the window to see what the status was of the mouse. Thankfully, no one disturbed him, but he also never got up. Later in the afternoon, James and I talked to her about how God probably wasn't going to resurrect the mouse, so we needed to bury it before another animal hurt its body. She agreed, and helped James bury it, and prayed as they did. Her earnest belief that God could heal that mouse was so powerful, even if we adults thought it was a little silly at first. There was no reason God couldn't do it, so she prayed, believing He just might, and then wasn't devastated when He didn't. We talked about how the Bible specifically says that God knows even when a sparrow falls, so He knew about this little mouse, and heard her prayer.

The hope she demonstrated then is a precious memory to me. We need to emulate that child-like faith much more often! When my Mom had cancer nearly 2 years ago now, our kids were the most positive and hopeful throughout her treatment and recovery. Though we knew her situation and early detection were going to make her odds very good of coming through it well, there was always some doubt in the back of my mind. Isaac and Abigail both were so encouraging in their prayers and patient waiting of God to completely heal Gramma. And, He did, and they weren't surprised at all. Isn't that just great?

(Some of) The many faces of Abigail Rose

A camera, a willing subject, and a bored mama...This is what happens when you have time on your hands from being recliner-bound after overdoing it on a day of supposed "bedrest." :-)

Don't you wish this girl was less inhibited and shy? Poor thing. Please pray for her.

My funny, funny girl

These quotes are actual conversations, and were not contrived in any way. They just "happened." Abigail cracks us up with her silly comments, and many times doesn't understand why we are laughing. The following anecdotes all occurred this past week. It's been a riot around here, let me tell you! :-)

Last week, Abigail asked, "Mom, after school, would you like a cool refreshment out in the pool with me?"
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Saturday we were doing yardwork, which she greatly enjoys, like me. She insisted on digging holes for the mums I was planting. Before I knew it, she was sitting in the flowerbed, barefoot, and exclaimed, "Oh, this dirt feels so good and cool. I just have to put my feet in it. It even smells good!"

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Saturday night as she was getting ready for bed, she walked through our room, and heard my radio broadcasting the Auburn game. She was walking into our bathroom to brush her teeth and I overheard her talking to herself. Her deep love for Auburn football she gets honestly from me, and I wish you could've heard her sweet voice and the concern oozing:

"Oh, I sure hope Auburn wins tonight. I mean, those poor football players. We just love them so much, and they're just having a hard year! They haven't been winning much. I sure do hope they beat Mippissippi, or the Bulldogs, or whoever they're playing. They just have to keep trying hard..." Thankfully, those Tigers did win, and big!

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At the Chinese restaurant yesterday after church, we opened our fortune cookies.
Hers appropriately read, 'You have a keen sense of humor and bring out the best in others.
We laughed, and said, "Yep, that's Abigail."
Then, I opened mine. It read, 'Work is the true elixir of life. The busiest man is the happiest man.' I sat, puzzled and said, "Huh. Confucius does not know me. I'm perfectly content being lazy." Abigail quickly replied, and said, "Yeah, well, that must've been Dad's cookie."

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Today, when getting dressed before starting schoolwork, she asked me to come in her room. This one is kinda inexplicable and strange:
Abigail asked, "Mom, when I'm bigger, can I get a rainbow-sparkly dress to get married in?"
I said, "Well, maybe....usually you pick out whatever kind of dress you want." She responded, "Yeah, because the mens give you diamonds."

The Week of Abigail

This is very late, because I have been a loser mom, and have spent the majority of the last 2 weeks on my couch. Finally, I think the all-day sickness of this pregnancy has abated somewhat. So, here's a photo recap of Abigail's birthday fun, which we stretched over a week. There were celebrations before the birthday, at the mall with Ms. Autumn and Mr. Terrence, and Visionland/Alabama Adventure with Graced and her boys, where Isaac and Abigail rode their first roller coasters. Then we had Build a Bear fun 2 different days, since one of our dearest friends couldn't make the birthday party. Abi received lots of sweet gifts and had some special treats and times with friends and loved ones. One of her favorite gifts were sweet pink roses from Daddy, just like he brought us the day she was born. Awww!! :-)

5 years of Abigail

How I love Abigail (updated 6/5/2012)

Same post from 5 years ago, with just a few italicized additions.....

I love your mixed up little girl words (and currently your large vocabulary). I love your curls (though your hair is now thick and just wavy). I love your brownish-green eyes that are like mine. I love that you made me a mama for the second time. I love that you're afraid of almost nothing. I love that you are so cuddly. I love your many dimples and your cute little nose. I love your exuberance and joy for life. I love that you're a drama queen. I love that you are a graceful dancer. 

I love that you are so quick to pray about concerns. Your faith amazes me. It is my greatest joy that you accepted Jesus as a 4 year old girl, and have truly born fruit and shown great change ever since. You are becoming a godly young lady, and I am so grateful.

I love that you long for heaven like I do. I love that you are passionate about music and sing so loudly. I love how you do "name writing practice" like I always have. I love that you think your Daddy is the best. I love your ability to raise one eyebrow at a time. I love that people say you look like me. 

I love that you said you wanted to be 4 forever, because you didn't ever want to leave me. I love your sense of humor. I love your desire to do your best at everything. It makes me so happy that you are a voracious reader and that Anne Shirley, Laura Ingalls, and Susan Pevensie are your the girls who are your role models.

I love your strong will and soft heart. I love how God grew you inside of me. I love that you snuggle so much I say you've been trying to get back in my womb for nearly 5 years! I love how you are proud to have Isaac for a brother. I love that you are a great little sister. I love that now you are a big sister to two more brothers! It makes me smile that you are praying for a sister still, and asking God faithfully to bring her home at the right time.

I love that you are so happy in our garden. I love your optimism. I love that you appreciate beauty. I love how you planted a stick and watered it, and sat there waiting for a tree to grow.  I love how you're still small enough to snuggle in my lap (still!). I love that you rub my ear till you fall asleep (not anymore). I love how you bring me lichen-covered branches, or pieces of moss, just because you know these things make me happy. I love how much you enjoy celebrating any holiday or birthday and decorating for them, just like me. 

I love how unrealistic your dreams are and how you don't let reason get in your way. I love how you ask questions and have a hunger to learn. I love how you know Rich Mullins' music and remember everything I tell you about him. I love how you make friends with everyone. I love your unique fashion sense. I love painting your toenails. 

I love how you want a zebra and wolf for pets. I am so glad you love animals like I do. I love seeing you nurture and gently care for them. I admire your strength and willingness to do dirty, tiring work to keep our chickens, dogs, and other animals safe and healthy.

I love seeing your love for me on your face. I love that God thought we were worthy of you. I love that just thinking of you makes me cry for joy. 

I love that I waited so long for you and you were worth it. I love that you are my Abigail Rose.

The story of Abigail Rose

If you've followed along with our Isaac story , and then the baby #3 stories on the other blog, here is the next installment, in honor of my sweet girl who turns 5 years old tomorrow! The background to getting pregnant with her and that whole long journey is here. My pregnancy with Abigail was pretty easy. We continued going to the ART clinic until I was 10 weeks, when Dr. Long felt comfortable turning me over to Dr. McKenzie. I was on progesterone through the first trimester since it had been a little low during some labs, and I had morning sickness for most of the first 3 months. Overall, it was a routine pregnancy, after all the trouble we went through just to get to that point! There were only a few glitches in the last half of the pregnancy. I've been warned to try and keep it calmer this time around. :-)

We went for the ultrasound in late January to find out whether we were having a boy or girl, and our parents all joined us. It was a sweet moment when the tech typed on the screen, "Looks like a girl!" We cried and were so excited to have a gender to put with the little "Rosebud," as she had been referred to up till that point. We all left the hospital very happy, and I headed out to Lakeshore Drive to go pick Isaac up from Mother's Day Out. Before I knew what happened, I was slamming into the steering wheel, in a 3 car accident, right in front of the entrance to Brookwood. I called my parents and James immediately, since everyone was still close by, and cried to them that I had been involved in an accident. I was hurting pretty bad, but the emergency guys on the scene were so helpful and we got straight into the ER to be checked out. Mom and Dad rushed to get Isaac from school, and came back to check on me. They monitored me for 4-5 hours, but then decided Rosebud and I were both fine, just bruised and shaken up. I had lots of soreness for weeks, but no serious complication, for which we were so thankful.

Then, on Mother's Day, we did our annual family visit to the Botanical Gardens, then went to my brother's new home. While there, I missed a step in his backyard, plummeted to the concrete below, and gashed my temple open. It caused us to spend a few hours in the ER, getting 11 stitches in my forehead, but other than a bad headache, Abigail and I were both fine. There were no traumatic events after that, thankfully! I ended up gaining a lot of weight - 46 lbs. - but felt good beyond some pretty rough swelling of my feet and ankles at the end. She was due June 30 and with the warm weather that spring, my body just didn't tolerate it too well, so I had some serious fluid retention. I still managed to do some yardwork, my favorite hobby, including grass-cutting, though several neighbors felt compelled to stop by often and fuss at me for pushing the mower when I was so big and due pretty soon. It was good exercise though, and I really enjoyed it. I went for a check up when I was 36 weeks, and met the last dr. in the group. He joked he was glad we finally were scheduled together, since it would be nice to have met him before he possibly delivered Abigail. He checked to see how things were progressing, if at all, and was surprised when he found out I was 80% effaced, and 3 cm dilated. He said that didn't necessarily mean anything, and I'd probably still go full-term. I told him I was fine with coming early if Abigail was big enough. He assured me she was, and repeated what I'd heard several times already - that she'd probably be a 9 pound baby if she make it to her due date. That night I finished packing, making phone calls to my sister-in-law, asking her to be sure and bring her camera and take pictures for us when Abi was born, and we asked if they wanted to know the minute I went into labor, or if it would be o.k. to just let them know at a reasonable time, in case I went into labor in the wee hours of the morning. They said to call whenever anything happened. So, that night, I slept on the couch again like I'd done for several weeks, since it was more comfortable and easy to get up and down from. Then, around 3:30, I woke wide awake, and knew that my water was about to break. As soon as I could get to our bedroom door, and called his name, James sat up with wide eyes. I started crying, I was so surprised, and said, "Um, I think it's time!"

We quickly got ready, called family, and got to Labor and Delivery just as my contractions were starting. Our sweet friend Holly came to get Isaac once it was a decent hour, from Mom and Dad, who had kept him in the waiting area until then. I was given a drug to help take the edge off of the pain around 8:30, but it caused awful nausea, so I was pretty sick for the entire labor and delivery, constantly throwing up for 5-6 hours. My poor Mama was so sweet and stood beside me, holding a bowl, keeping my hair out of my face and wiping me off. It was pretty rough. Before long, I had an epidural, and progressed pretty quickly. At 12:48 we had our baby girl, who was perfect, healthy, and weighed in at 6 pounds, 13 ounces. Dr. Radbill, who I had just met the day before, was on call, so it was pretty funny when he walked in the room. We came home that weekend, happy to have the whole family together. Now, 5 years later, we are celebrating that special day when Abigail joined our family. We just can't imagine life without her!