Cassidy

Our precious church and faith family lost a sweet princess today. Please pray for the Schuttinga family - Scott, Karen, and 5 year old Caleb. Their daughter and sister, Cassidy, has fought cancer since her diagnosis at 11 weeks old. She was finally relieved of her struggle this morning just after 1 a.m.



While we grieve and are at a loss to grasp how a family survives pain of this sort, we are comforted to know her family trusts Jesus to carry them through. They have been such a remarkable example of faith throughout her four years on earth, and it is an honor to have shared moments with their amazing daughter.


Just a few weeks ago, we joined together to celebrate her birthday and life. It was more like a pink and purple princess/superhero festival in nature, with volunteers and folks giving to make the event more fun than any birthday ever. With clowns, face-painting, crafts, music, a princess throne, photographers, cotton candy, inflatables, and tons of folks, we thanked God for the gift of Cassi's life and celebrated big time. I'm so grateful to have been able to witness the joy of her darling face. As great as that was, I can't imagine the party going on in heaven today, as she rejoices over a new, perfect body, with no pain, no medicine, no headaches, no feeling "gucky," no weeks in the hospital or confinement....Praise God for the comfort that does give us who will miss her smile so much.



Please lift her family in prayer as they adjust to life without her, and especially for Caleb, who is so young to have lost his sister and best playmate.

Randomness

My head is hurting, but my brain is busy. I'm going to unwind here before hitting the pillow....

- Johnny and June Carter Cash are on a great episode of Little House on the Prairie we watched yesterday, entitled "The Collection." I heard his voice from the other room, and called out to Abigail, "What are you watching?" She answered, "Little House!" I ran into see that great Man in Black, and we ended up starting it over so I could watch the whole thing. What an amazing character he was. It made me think of my Dad, and how we both love Cash. My Dad is incredible. And, he does a mean "Ring of Fire."

- A lady named Sue Rainwater died Friday, and it's shaken me up. I met her once. Her family attends church with my parents, and she was diagnosed with breast cancer right around the time my folks met her. She went through surgery and treatment, and then was fine. Soon afterward, Mom had cancer. Sue was one of the first people Mom knew who had cancer, and survived. She was a great encouragement to Mom, when Mom was going through treatment. Then, that awful disease came back recently, and Sue quickly deteriorated. My Mom went to see her a couple of weeks ago. She said I wouldn't have even known Sue was sick by just looking at her, except that she was in the bed. Her funeral is tomorrow. I guess it's just hard, realizing she was first diagnosed just before my Mom, and my Mom seems fine today too. You just never know with this disease, and that's why we have to appreciate every healthy, enjoyable moment. So, I'm super thankful for my Mom's life right now.

- My three kiddos are all sleeping, and it's so quiet and peaceful, after a non-quiet day. How very nice it is to type with both hands, and use capital letters, which are a rare thing with Elijah's extreme dislike of computer usage. I'm usually juggling him, and pecking with one hand.

- It's November. Christmas is next month. I am looking forward to not being on bedrest, or awaiting the imminent arrival of a baby this year. He's actually here for us to enjoy, and I can bake, and make gifts, and decorate, with relative ease. I'm also very excited about weighing 44 pounds less than this time last year!!

- We're enjoying a week without field trips. I can't believe it. We have been super busy with awesome trips so much this year, and they have all been really fun and educational. But, it'll be nice to be home for 5 days straight.

- I need to plant. My yard is suffering from major neglect, and my spirit is missing digging in the dirt. I have to get pansies and snapdragons soon. This is a necessity.

- I'm reading a great prequel right now. It's Before Green Gables. I requested it from a neighboring library because someone else recommended it. I realize how much I have missed Anne and her silliness, her vocabulary, and her spirit. I also think I have a bit of Anne in my Abi-girl. Kim, it keeps reminding me of you too! (LATER---finished it, and it was good!!)

- And, here are my thoughts on the presidential race. I have been pondering how God let Israel choose a king, and they chose Saul. Then, Saul turned out to be horrible at leading the people, fearful, disobedient, tormented by evil spirits, and jealous to the point of attempting murder numerous times. Thankfully, David became king after him, and he was God's choice, and was the 'man after God's own heart' that we all admire. Despite his plethora of mistakes, he continually longed to follow God, returned to Him, after his struggles, and he left us dozens of psalms to witness of his life - his trust, his fears, his failings, and his passion for his Father. What a great follow-up David was to a really awful ruler!

So, I'm not despairing or even nervous anymore. In case any of you are trepidatious about Tuesday's outcome, read this passage below. It is full of truth, and encouragement. Our hope for change can't be in a man, but in the Lord. We're probably going to survive, regardless of who is elected. Things may be different, or even bad, as a result of the leadership we choose for our country. God isn't going to need our votes to accomplish His will, and He won't be surprised with whom the majority of votes go to. I know many of us have prayed for our country to turn back to God and to experience a revival, and sometimes that takes hardship, brokenness, and even persecution. My Dad loves to say that trials build character. We should pray that we'll respond to the naming of our new president with hope that maybe Americans will realize that only God can heal hurts, fufill lives, and help us cope in a poor economy, and hopefully, we'll build some character as a result. Thanks, God, and David, for the reminder.

Psalm 25

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

no words

Pretty much everyone on the planet knows that Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman lost their youngest daughter last week. Through a tragic accident, sweet Maria's life on earth ended after just five years. I have thought of them, and prayed for their family, so much since I first read the news late that night of her death. I've awakened numerous nights from sleep, with their family on my heart. All I know to do is to pray for strength for them. This is the second family well-known in the Christian music community to lose a child in as many months. I mentioned the other family, Todd and Angie Smith, back in April. Today I checked Angie's blog to read of another baby lost. Todd's sister Nicol Smith Sponberg, who was one of the original members of Selah with him, went to check on her 2 month old son last night, only to find he wasn't breathing.

When I sent the email about the Chapmans' loss to a small group of prayer warriors, my sweet friend Jamie replied simply, "no words." I guess I feel the same way. What is there to say? How do we respond to grief of this magnitude? I don't know how to articulate the thoughts in my head and the heaviness in my heart. But, because I'm going to have to write it out, I guess I'm typing this to just plead for friends who read this to ask for strength and comfort for them. I don't have anything much to add beyond my hope for their families to lean on God to get them through another heartache and for others to be brought to Him because of their witness and faith. I've been sitting here digesting the news, contemplating whether to even share it on this blog or not. Death is part of life, and so it shouldn't surprise us, but I guess when the one lost is a child, it's just so hard for us to take.

Jamie and I were just talking about this song today, written by Steven Curtis Chapman for friends who lost a daughter years ago in a freak accident. That family was one of the first to arrive at the Chapmans' last Wednesday, offering comfort since they truly can say, 'We know how you feel.' If you want to read more about their story and Maria's service, go here. Anyway, just digesting, and processing, and praying.

With Hope
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say "Well done"
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Prayer for the Smith family

I just wanted to share something and hope you can find time to check this out, or at least pray for the Smith family. Through a weird way, on a blog I've subscribed to for a long time, I learned something about the guy in the Christian music group, Selah. He (Todd Smith) originally started the group with his sister (Nicol). I've loved their music for years, and even quoted lyrics from a great song they do on my blog this Easter.
Anyway, Todd is married to Angie, and they have 3 girls, and she lost their 4th today. The baby's name is Audrey Caroline, and she had multiple defects and problems that they were aware of from ultrasounds during the pregnancy, and just lived 2 hours. I read Angie's whole blog, from January till today, just this evening. It's powerful writing and so good. (Small world - she even has Boothe's blog linked to hers, who is the mom of Copeland, whom I just mentioned again the other day). It is really sad, but also is great, great reading.
So, though it's difficult, you may want to just check it out. Especially read the post {4:7} if you can. It just challenged my perspective and reminded me how I have zero to whine about or regret about difficulties in my life. I keep having that kind of thing happen. Guess maybe God is trying to teach me something. I think I'm thankful and trusting Him, but I can't imagine having the same attitude if I was facing what this family is, and that bothers me. I want to be there. I'm even scared to type that, after some of us have just discussed how the way to get what you pray for is to face a trial that will teach you that character trait. Whew.
So, I'm going to hug my babies, tell my family how much they mean to me, and try to get more serious about trusting and obedience. I pray you're motivated by this family's faith in whatever struggles you may be having. And, it's not that our trials don't matter if they aren't dealing with losing a baby, so I don't mean to imply that. We all do have struggles that are overwhelming in an earthly sense, and without hope that a Sovereign God cares and is aware of it all. I just know how I can become overwhelmed because I don't turn to the One who holds our lives in His hands, and try to carry the burden alone. If you have already figured that out, then excuse my hard-headedness. I'm just slow.
Here is the link - http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Child-like faith and a dead mouse

Our family loves animals. There's something very enjoyable and educational about having animals involved in our daily lives. We've learned many life lessons through observing and loving different creatures of God's. We have lots of pets, but enjoy animals from the "wild" also. This incident happened a couple of months ago, but I forgot to share it then, and it's just too good not to.

Among our menagerie, we have two cats. They are Merlin and Magic, and are 12 years old. They're sweet, easygoing, and generally tolerate lots of loving from our kids without even a tiny complaint. Very rarely, one will bring us a little gift, in the form of a mole or tiny mouse. This has only happened a dozen times probably in the dozen years we've had them. Either they aren't too appreciative of our providing food and shelter, or they just have no desire to hunt because it requires energy to be expended and they're lazy. One morning this fall though, Abigail and Isaac opened the side door to the driveway, and there lay a pitiful, non-living, little field mouse. Abigail immediately came running, saying, "Oh Mom! Come see this precious mouse that is asleep in the driveway!" I instantly cringed, thinking, 'Uh oh, this is going to be sad.'

So, I went to the door, and tried to gently explain that the mouse was no longer just sleeping, though he didn't look harmed at all, and had apparently not survived our kitty's playing with him. My sweet girl just listened with big eyes, so sad, and incredulous. I couldn't answer exactly why Merlin or Magic would have played with an innocent mouse, when they had no intention of eating it, but tried to explain that animals have instincts that makes them hunt (occasionally) and they are just doing what God created them for. She tried to understand, but was really just brokenhearted. She asked if she could sit out there for a while with the tiny mouse, and just watch after it. I said that was fine, and just to not pick it up in case it had germs.

She came in later, ready to do school, and asked me to come see "him." When I walked outside, I nearly cried at her sensitivity and the hope she had for this tiny creature. She'd moved him, "very gently with a shovel," she said, to the small trampoline we have, so he wouldn't be on the ground. Then, beside him she'd placed a square of cheese. I asked her what she did that for, and she said she had been out there praying for him, and though she knew he was dead, she thought maybe God would let him come back to life, so she wanted him to have food if God answered her prayer. She had been crying, but was very calm and really hopeful.

All day, she'd go glance out the window to see what the status was of the mouse. Thankfully, no one disturbed him, but he also never got up. Later in the afternoon, James and I talked to her about how God probably wasn't going to resurrect the mouse, so we needed to bury it before another animal hurt its body. She agreed, and helped James bury it, and prayed as they did. Her earnest belief that God could heal that mouse was so powerful, even if we adults thought it was a little silly at first. There was no reason God couldn't do it, so she prayed, believing He just might, and then wasn't devastated when He didn't. We talked about how the Bible specifically says that God knows even when a sparrow falls, so He knew about this little mouse, and heard her prayer.

The hope she demonstrated then is a precious memory to me. We need to emulate that child-like faith much more often! When my Mom had cancer nearly 2 years ago now, our kids were the most positive and hopeful throughout her treatment and recovery. Though we knew her situation and early detection were going to make her odds very good of coming through it well, there was always some doubt in the back of my mind. Isaac and Abigail both were so encouraging in their prayers and patient waiting of God to completely heal Gramma. And, He did, and they weren't surprised at all. Isn't that just great?

Baby Copeland is home

For those of you who have been keeping up with the family I shared about on the 20th, thank you all for your prayers for the Farleys. Sweet Copeland lived 8 days and is now home with Jesus. You can read her mama's sweet blog here. Please continue praying for them as they deal with the loss of this young life, and rejoice for the days they did have with her, yet grieve now for missing her.

Thank you Lord, for the blessing this family has been amidst their heartache and for the way they've brought glory to Your name consistently.

Another example of how precious life is

I'm going to warn you - if you're inclined to get weepy today or aren't up for something really powerful, read this at a later time. I have to share it though, and ask for your prayers for a family in TN who is currently facing a struggle like I've never known. I just heard of them today through my cousin. The short version of their story is that Conor and Boothe are a 28 year old couple who have a 3 year old daughter. They have also lost a baby each of the past 2 falls. They gave birth Tuesday to their second daughter, Copeland, whom they were told at their ultrasound a few months ago would be born with Trisomy-18, if she survived till birth. Boothe, the mom, started a blog at that point to keep people up to date with their journey, and I spent an hour and a half today devouring her writing. I've seldom read anything as powerful as this young woman's wrestling with the faith she has in a God who loves us immensely, and also allows great pain in our lives. Her words are honest and gut-wrenching. Her ability to savor every moment she has as Copeland's mom awes me. At this moment, Copeland is fighting for her life. They know their time is running out to hold their daughter on earth, but are rejoicing they've had 2 days with her. Here is her entry from this morning. I just thank God for His gift of the lives of the children we have, and realize again, each day is another gift...so much to be thankful for.

1:00 am

Copeland has lived exactly 36 hours. We are in awe at how well she's done.

I say that knowing we are likely in the final hours of her life. We've had the most incredible time with her, rocking her, cuddling her, singing to her, sharing her with friends and family. Tonight. I sat in my hospital bed and chatted for about an hour with an old friend who happens to be a labor and delivery nurse here. It was wonderful getting to talk about totally inconsequential things while Copeland slept in my arms. Conor slept for a while on the sofa. Then, suddenly, her color began to change and her chest rose and fell a little less routinely. I called the NICU nurse and it seems we've landed on one stretch of the journey we were a little unprepared for: ultimately Copeland will continue to grow more and more weary, and every cell in her body that's fighting for life will give in to the fact that she just can't make it on this side of heaven. The nurse we spoke with was gentle but firm in her statement that "this will be hard to watch." We are aware that as she fades, Copeland may struggle to breathe, and as a result, may turn a little blue. I tell you this only to let you know that we are specifically asking for prayers right now that she will not suffer - not that there will be no evidence of this, necessarily, but that the Lord will give us a peace that despite the physical signs, Copeland will be free from pain even in the midst of the process. I believe He is capable of delivering us from the heat of the fire - look at Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - even as the flames burn around us, so we ask that you would pray against suffering for our sweet girl.

I told Conor tonight that after my molar pregnancy, which happened in 2005 and required chemotherapy in its aftermath, I felt incredibly betrayed by God. Not that I doubted His sovereignty or even His goodness. God's ways are not mine, as I've always 'known' in a sort of Sunday-school-sense. But to believe that He was good in a way that I might totally understand or feel, from an emotional standpoint, is something I've wrestled with for two years now. If God is good, why does so much of life hurt? After miscarrying again the following fall - 2006 - and then of course getting this diagnosis about Copeland when we believed we were finally going to have the baby we'd so prayed for, I have to tell you the struggle within my soul has raged on. I have often felt that Jesus, the Jesus I knew and loved as a child, has changed in so many ways and that believing in Him wasn't as much the issue for me as believing in His character... trusting Him despite the incredible pain He has allowed into my life. As C.S. Lewis wrote, I don't fear coming to a place where I doubt His existence but rather a place where all the qualities of God I've believed in, everything about Him, suddenly feels like a joke. And then came the last 36 hours.

Having Copeland for any time at all - the fact that she even made it to birth - has been one of the most wonderful and blessed gifts of my life. I know I speak for Conor and I both when I say that we expected a couple of hours, if that. What we're getting has been beyond our wildest dreams. David writes in the Psalms, "Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation." I think sometimes we all need our joy restored, even when it comes to incredibly basic theological ideas about God that we 'should' get after years and years of believing in Him. I needed that restoration in my faith. I needed to believe Jesus would give me good things just because... not because I did something right or asked in the correct way. These last two days with the daughter I thought I might never get to spend a single hour with have been that for me: faith-restoration.

We have no idea what the next hours will bring. We are alone in our room and the hospital is quiet. Copeland is snuggled safely in her daddy's arms. We would ask you to pray for these three things: one, that Jesus would keep her from suffering. Two, that we would be given energy and strength despite our emotional and physical exhaustion, so that we can enjoy her for as long as the Lord oermits. And three, that as we approach the moment when He takes her home, we will be filled with a peace and even a celebratory spirit that allows us to offer her up to Him with joy, knowing full well we will be with her for far longer in eternity than any length of time we might get with her now.

Blessings...

Boothe