Reflections of a Teacher

Like the rest of America, the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy has broken my heart. I avoided the news stories until today, because honestly, I was already struggling enough emotionally that I just didn't want to become a complete basketcase when I first heard rumors on Facebook that something horrific had happened to a bunch of young kids. I'd gathered bits and pieces until finally reading two short articles tonight. What I have gained through this is more empathy for families I don't know, and a greater desire to treasure every second with my kids. Because, I know I don't.  I whine, and get tired of answering to "Mama" some days, and forget how quickly our lives could be changed forever by losing one of these little people. So, right there, the day before my Elijah turned 5 years old, I slumped down into a state of melancholy, struggling with the idea that children barely older than he is, were gone forever. I have cried for their families. I cried for the teachers and principal. I reflected and I have felt pretty rotten.

I was a first grade and second grade teacher to nearly 90 children, over a period of five years. I loved those kids as much as I could without being their mother. I wasn't yet a mom, and I sure was not perfect, but I did passionately love those kiddos. They taught me so much, they challenged me, and loved me, and they were treasures. Every year was my favorite group. James and I spent time getting to know them even outside of class, and have kept in touch with so many of them, as they are now adults and some are even parents themselves. Going through those five years of teaching was such a wonderful education for me. Being responsible to nurture and educate, and spend more waking hours with many children than their parents were able to...it really, really was a job I took seriously. We still quote awesome sayings by many of those cuties. I still remember the Scripture passages we memorized, and am so grateful that they were part of our schoolwork, because many times through the years, I have reflected on those words.

James and I recall how their parents took us in as a newly married couple, and were great encouragement and examples to us. We remember painful stories of loss and grief those little children faced - of pets,  grandparents, siblings, and even a mother. They shared their lives so completely with me, telling me all about their favorite shows, sports, birthday gifts, and vacations. I was at a Christian school teacher, and our Bible time each day was precious. We prayed for several needs daily. A funny part of that was that early on my first year, I realized that prayer requests could go on ALL day. I couldn't open up the floor for everyone to share, or really, it would never end. I struggled with how to handle this, because I sure didn't want to discourage them from asking for prayer. So, I created a Prayer Box, and the kids would write their praises or things they wanted prayer for, on little notes I printed off, and would put them in the box in the mornings. During Bible time, I would read three and pray aloud for those. Then, later in the day I would read the rest and pray on my own for them. There were a lot of pets who had already died that they wanted me to pray about :-), but in general, most things were genuine, realistic needs and I loved how strong their faith was.

I have thought several times this weekend of what I would've done if our school had faced a situation as horrifying as the one in Connecticut. I have pictured my classrooms, which were all by main entrance doors except for one year, and imagined if we could've gotten the kids out in time if a gunman had entered our building. Could I have hidden them or helped them escape quickly enough? I can't explain the pounding heart that came as my mind went there. I think I would've tried to do whatever was necessary to protect their lives. I am so beyond grateful that I never was faced with any kind of dangerous situation. We were blissfully unaware that such violence would ever happen in a school setting back then.

I hate that now, it is normal to see security cameras all over schools, that the phrase "lockdown procedure" has ever been invented, that a School Resource Officer (policeman on duty and on campus) is standard for public schools. I know why they are, and I'm grateful that we have the protection at Isaac's school, but it is so awful that this is necessary in the world in which we live.

I am beyond grateful for those teachers who will return to work tomorrow, and face questions and heightened emotion and kids who have no idea what happened on Friday, and plenty who know every detail. I am praying for those professionals who have given their lives for years, to invest in children who aren't theirs, and who lead schools, and coach, teach, and counsel every day. Please pray for those families who have been forever impacted in Newtown, and please remember our own kids and schools, in our own towns as well. God has graciously protected us from such a situation in our area.

These verses are my favorite from those teaching years. I have seen them posted often the past few days, and they bring such comfort. He is our only source of comfort in times like these, and I love reading the Truth again.

Psalms 34:14-19

Depart from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. 

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to blot out their name from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Owen at 18 months

Sweet Owen Thomas. With all that's transpired in his short life, he has been the most neglected as far as blogging goes. I have made notes here and there for myself, trying so hard to not forget details of his early months, and not wanting to have that fourth child syndrome apply to him. You know, the lack of photos, baby book, birth announcements, etc. since he's the fourth? Well, I have struggled with that a lot, not for lack of desire, just time. The truth is, the more young kids you have, the more work there is, and less time to do extras. Birth announcements and baby books are extras at this point. Hopefully, Owen will know how loved he was, even if he didn't have the same attention given him in those areas. :-)

We are constantly amazed at this little boy. He is such a delight to our family. To be so young, he definitely has his own personality traits that are obvious HIS. Owen is a people person and loves to see friends, family, and strangers too. He waves and says hi and bye so happily. He came into this world a little late according to his estimated arrival, but he's done pretty much everything else early. Here are a few of those "should be in a baby book" facts:

- O had 6 teeth by 6 months and a mouthful by around a year. He eats very well, still happily nursing several times a day...and night, unfortunately for Mama, who longs for a full night's rest. I know this will pass though, and I'll miss it, so am trying hard to not complain. He's worth the fatigue and puffy eyes.

- Owen started walking at 9 months, and walked everywhere independently by 10 months. He is a go-getter, climbing more than any of the other kids. He is quick to go up and down stairs and manages ours very well. He will climb on the table too, if we let him, and that makes me crazy, so we have to watch him. He's not referred to as "hurricane owen" for nothing. He is also a huge ham. He loves to make us laugh and is great at it. 

- He started sleeping in a bed with Elijah for some naps and for large portions of the night at 16 months. Isaac was a great sleeper as a baby and toddler - in his own bed, and slept all night. Abi was in our room till age 2, then moved to her own room, but was up and down 3-4 times a night EVERY night till she was almost 5. elijah transitioned well to share a room with Isaac at 18 months, and has had some infrequent restless nights, but overall sleeps well. Owen still wakes up to nurse, but his sleeping in another room, upstairs, is BIG.

- Fun things Owen does lately are pointing to and naming various body parts, like nose, eyes, ears, and belly button, which sounds the cutest. He also does the eskimo kiss/nose rub in hilarious fashion, which we all beg him to do often. Our baby boy is so attentive to surroundings, and sympathetic to sad siblings, telling me when they're upset or he thinks they need to be in trouble. "Ize! Nono!!"

- This kid has a zillion word vocabulary. I seriously can't count the words he knows anymore, but got to at least 50 when I stopped keeping up with them. He signed some for a while, but now entertains us by calling all of our names. "Li-lije" for Elijah is our favorite. He's said the pets' names well for months- Gugar (Sugar), Merlin, and Rose - and clearly calls them, claps for them to come, and helps care for them. He knows when we talk about grandparents, and will run to get their photo and kiss Gramma and Granddaddy if we mention them. Owen is definitely a Daddy's boy and can identify an airplane when it's a faint sound in the distance and starts pointing, shouting, "copter!" We're working on helping him differentiate. :-) One of his funny expressions, heard usually when one of the dogs is being walked for a potty break, is "Gross!!" Then last night, he said sweetly as I was tucking him in for a midnight snack with me, "'nuggle!" I always say, "Snuggle down, buddy!" So sweet.

I love that God surprised us with this sweet blessing. I have said it often, and it's true. With all the heartache of the past year, I know that Owen was a much needed cuddle bug when we needed comfort and joy and unconditional love. His personality is so joyous, and James, the kids, and I love him so much, that somedays, he was the lone bright spot amidst our grieving. I cannot thank the Lord enough for entrusting us with his life, and knowing exactly when we needed him. Perfect timing, as usual. These photos were taken this month of our darling boy.

Random Monday

listening to Twilight soundtrack

finishing Christmas decorating

reflecting on yesterday's message - am I reflecting Christ's light to others?

enjoying a caffe' mocha in support of the (RED) initiative by Starbucks

seeing the delight in my baby's eyes as he takes in the sparkly, twinkly lights

thankful for the season of joy we're entering

missing my husband as he works long hours to support us, but so glad he does

God is good. I'm so grateful.

Elijah is 8 months old!

I can't believe this baby boy has been OUT of me longer than he was IN me. The time is flying by so fast. Here's the update on him and some recent photos.

His royal chunkiness :

* has 6 teeth.

* can crawl very quickly.

* is pulling up and cruising around furniture everywhere.

* says some suspiciously "Mama" and "Daddy"-like sounds ("Mmmmmam" and "Dee" and "hey!"), and babbles and sings a lot.

* doesn't seem to ever want to sleep through the night again since he started teething with a vengeance, and unfortunately forgot how to sleep more than a couple of hours in a row.

* is eating some baby food again, after being on strike for a while (teeth, again).

* is quite a fan of Mama (and her milk). Yes, we've entered Separation 101. :-)

* loves to stroll around the neighborhood, and love on our pets. Sugar makes him so happy.

* has a huge fanbase, but no one can compare to his parents and adoring siblings' love for him.

* is a constant reminder of God's goodness and grace.