Fathers

There have been many thoughts swirling in this head of mine today. I keep pondering how I can sum up the impact of fathers. I don't know if I can even convey how very overwhelmed I am with gratitude that God has blessed me with not only a wonderful Daddy, but an amazing father for my own children. I know the legacy of our parents is carried on to following generations. There were some difficult issues in the past that could have been the continuing story of our family, on both parents' sides. Thankfully, God intervened and because of some godly men who shared the Truth of the Gospel with my parents, newly married and having a young daughter (me), the course of our future was then determined to be a hopeful, joyful one. To this day, I am so aware of the impact of the testimony of those believers, who shared, discipled, and lived out godly marriages for my parents to witness. They have said plenty of times how they realize their marriage shouldn't have survived, except for the grace of God touching them as newlyweds.

So, because of that, I was raised in a Christian home, by parents who were growing and learning how to form new patterns of commitment and faith. My Dad was a blessing to me growing up, for sure. We had fun outdoors, church was a highlight of the week as we worshiped together, we worked hard on projects in our garden, we loved the same music, shared goofy inside jokes, and we cheered for our Tigers. More than all those commonalities though, a reason I really thought my Dad was amazing was that he loved my mother. He passionately, enthusiastically adored her. He made it clear she was the love of his life, that he would do anything for her, and that she was his cherished partner for life. I remember almost feeling jealous, that she was so very special to him, and that he demonstrated such precious respect and sacrificial love for her.

Deep down though, I was so PROUD. I loved that there was such a commitment there, and that it was obvious to any who knew them, that no one could compare to his love for her. It mattered so much, because she hadn't had that type of daddy, and I used to think maybe Dad was trying to make up for any hurt in her past. Though I know that may not be possible, for the last 40 years, he still tries. I just love that about him. I love how he makes her giggle, how he compliments her, tells (fictional) stories about her dancing at the FloraBama, and generally causes her to shake her head with his shenanigans. I don't love that she is sometimes slightly embarrassed, but that he loves her boldly and enough to act goofy to get her to laugh (even if she reprimands him a little and tries to keep him in line).

As I've gotten older, I've realized even more how rare their relationship is, and how amazing he is as a father. I know he may not be perfect. But when I hear the lack of joy in friends' voices when describing their own dads, or the sometimes heartbreaking stories they have, I really see how blessed I have been. I've never doubted my Dad's love or support. Even when we have had conflict, I have felt completely safe and secure in our relationship. He has modeled the unconditional love of the Lord so well that trusting in Christ was never a stretch for me. It is so natural to believe that God has my best interest at heart when Dad has shown the same type of love in an earthly role. He expected any boy who was interested in me to meet and talk with him first, and he carefully guided me through awkward dating years, because there were some people who just weren't worth wasting my Dad's time. When James asked me out, and I was 20, I could only answer "probably yes" to his question of whether I would go out with him, since he had to meet my Dad first. I was really thankful when he met Dad's approval. I love that my father saved me much heartache by setting that standard.

Then as we grew older and left home, my parents began fostering and had the opportunity to love several additional children who came into their lives. My Mom definitely did the majority of the care and bonding with those babies and young children, and sacrificed energy and sleep for their good. Dad was supportive and fun and helpful when he was able to be around. The fact that he was willing to be a father figure to these children was precious, but has such a deep impact into my life still today, since he was the first example of a father to Isaac. We never would have guessed that our son would come from the foster care system, but I am so thankful that he did and that the only home he ever knew before ours, was with my parents. How perfect and precious is that?!

Then, that brings me to bragging on my husband, and the man I witness being a father daily. When it became apparent that Isaac's birthmom was going to relinquish her rights to him and my Mom told us, James was the one who spoke up and said, "Then we will adopt him!" There was a silence for a minute and I think I responded, "We will?" but it really was a clear leading from God. That moment is something I look back on with such gratitude, because his faith and certainty that God had placed such a sweet tiny baby in our lives for a reason had never crossed our minds till then, but it was so obviously the right thing. I am forever thankful that James had the boldness and willingness to take on parenting a child with unknown needs and a not-so-positive list of issues to address. Becoming a father through adoption is a blessing, no doubt. Choosing to be that dad, aware that it may be challenging with just the stuff that is already known, really takes courage. And courageous is a great word to describe my husband.

James has worked multiple jobs to support us, fully committed to my being able to stay home full-time with our children, and even went back to school twice to become a nurse, and then  further that degree while being a husband and father. He takes on challenges with us at the forefront of his mind, and when the jobs have been less than desirable, even menial, he does them out of pure love for his family. He is truly the most selfless human I have ever known. He gives of himself to our family in every way, and loves us fiercely. He encourages me in my crazy ventures, and helps me with housework! Our kids adore him, and long for time with him when he works extra, as he has these past six weeks. I love that they see his example, and my dad's, and know how a man should treat a lady, and honor the Lord, and provide a secure home for his family. Those characteristics are rare and we know it. The older kids have even commented and compared James to other men they see, and remarked how much more kind and fun and sweet he is. I see so much resemblance to my own dad, in him, and that is pretty much more than I could have ever asked for. They are the two greatest men I know and as fathers, no one can equal them. We are are so blessed with the gift of ya'll, and love you very much!!

School at home, part 1

I'm grateful for learning that takes place in just everyday living. It's really the best kind, isn't it? We have worked on some awesome life skills lately. It may not be traditional school, but that's what we need to do, apparently.  Plus, it's just fun to not sit inside a classroom all the time, or much of the time, when the weather is so lovely. I would prefer this type school ALL the time, to be honest! Here is the first in a couple of installments on school at our house, this fall.

Lawn Maintenance: I've been teaching Isaac (12) and Abigail (9) each to use a push mower. Since it's not self-propelled, they are getting quite a workout on the multiple slopes of our yard, and are very proud of themselves. I love cutting the grass, and have always done it, but am glad to share the job with them, since for now, they're really enjoying it. They're getting so big and despite their skinny selves, they're both really strong.

 

Our brief lessons have included: basic info on priming the engine and its function/design, fuel, cutting technique, patterns, personal safety (notice the safety goggles, ear protection, and close-toed shoes), attention to surroundings, and awareness of large rocks. They retained and applied skills well!

O had to get in on a photo

Abi with Scarlett, Elijah with Eugene, and Isaac with Domino

Chicken Farming: Our recently acquired chickens are entertaining, and we love learning more about these animals too. We are working hard to protect them from predators and though the coop and original two hens were given to us, we have done some serious coop strengthening lately. We have added more chicken wire to the sides, tightened up any tiny gaps with additional wire, woven by hand from piece to piece, as well as burying chicken wire around the perimeter of the coop to deter anything that might want to dig under, since we don't think they can get in the coop from the outside.

Miss Scarlett and Little Red

I love that the children are so aware of the potential harm, valuing their lives, and are serious about our responsibility to care for these animals. They check out the window, and run up the hill "just to see the chickens" a few times a day. It's really precious how diligent they are with these creatures. All four kids have shared feeding and watering duties, and love to check for eggs. Elijah especially loves to gather grasshoppers and worms for them, and eagerly feeds those treats too.  After a fatality within the first few weeks, and the addition of 2 more pullets and a young rooster since, we are learning that chicken farming can take its toll on our emotions. The circle of life is really true, and painful, but we are hoping to even have learned some life lessons from that experience. 

Life these days

So, there is a lot going on, and most of it good. I struggle to find time still to write blog posts. Facebook seems easier, because it's more succinct, though many times, even a short, to-the-point thought is complicated for a wordy person like me. Tonight, as I hear of more friends whose marriages are struggling or who are facing tragedies in their lives, I can identify like never before with the weight of battling to maintain a relationship.


Within the past 18 months, James and I:
-have lost more beloved family members than I can count
-added a family member, our precious Owen Thomas
-witnessed friends' anguish who have lost young children
-completed two semesters of college and a year of a brand new co op with our homeschool
-faced crisis with our eldest child, and continue to seek help from multiple counselors and doctors
-decided God was leading us to offer our home as a rental to a friend, whom accepted, but needs to move in June
-found a home on our second day of looking, made an offer, and appear to be moving all within a month's time
-endured times of laughter till we cried, cried till we laughed, and sometimes just. plain. wept...until we fell asleep

I know plenty of you who have had much scarier scenarios, and continue to deal with health issues, family pain, financial worries, and aren't amused by my list of our 'first world problems'. Believe me, I'm not exaggerating the reality of what we've faced and assuming my life has been harder than many others. Yeah, it's been hard, but we didn't lose our home in a tornado last month, and James still has a great job. I'm SO thankful the other 5 folks in my house are all healthy and together right now. However, James and I have struggled together to adapt to the changes in our lives. These have been hard, hard months for us, and sometimes, we felt like we just couldn't face another wave, but they kept coming.


Our marriage has never felt so vulnerable. Before this year, I never understood how folks would get to the point of divorce and seem so o.k. with it. Even if they weren't happy about the divorce, when there wasn't a specific problem like adultery, I could not understand when they just couldn't deal with each other and felt they'd be better apart. I don't think I was ever really judgmental, but truly would say, "I guess I just can't understand, having never been there."
Well, I have now. I didn't talk about wanting a divorce, and James didn't either. But there were weeks when we didn't talk much about anything, and we were hurting and things were so easily becoming distant and unfeeling. 

It's a scary place to be, to just live with the person you promised to live with and love forever, and kinda feel like you don't know who they are or what they're thinking. I hated it, but couldn't fix it. James was mainly grieving his parents' death, so close together, but not ready to really talk a lot. He's not a typical guy in that he does talk, and has always been great at sharing his feelings. This silent, somber person was so foreign to me, and I slowly felt like he was leaving me. At one of the many times I tried to confront him to ask him about his feelings, or what was going on inside him, he replied he was numb and just didn't feel anything. I remember being so angry, and saying, "I WISH I could be numb! Everything hurts me!" I couldn't stop being sad, wanting to process aloud, and work through all my emotions, and just get. it. out. I was bearing so many sad things - every day felt like more depressing bad news and I was overwhelmed with it all.


Thankfully, in his time, James was able to process enough, we saw a grief counselor, and worked through the fatigue, grief, guilt, and regret we felt. We still both miss his parents so much. It's been very hard to not have them to visit, to share their grandkids with, and to know they'll never be here again to make memories with. I hate it. I am so sad, and feel shocked still, sometimes when I catch myself starting to ask, "Have you talked to Pop and Granny today?" The permanence of death is something that is really difficult to get accustomed to, and to walk through this with a spouse and four children has been something for which I've felt very unprepared.


Our precious close friends and my parents have listened, encouraged, checked in, and cheered us on. They've emailed and called, and shared Scripture, and just told us God was going to get us through this time. I honestly know that without that support, we would probably still be stuck in that funk of depression and misery. And, I think that's how others just give up. 

If you don't have someone telling you that it is worth fighting through, and you get lost in the temporary pain, it would not make sense to keep hanging in there with someone who isn't so fun.

Neither of us was very likable, but we were committed to keep loving each other, and acting on that love, even when we didn't feel like there was much energy left to invest. We knew our marriage was worth it, we remembered the years of joy and memories, and we loved our kids enough to not just surrender. I haven't ever worried about my marriage, never wanted a divorce, and never do. 

Through that time though, I remember just not wanting to feel pain anymore. I realized that I hurt so much because I loved James to the point that I couldn't imagine what life would be like if we never returned to the way we had been. I thought maybe it would hurt less to just not care - not leave, not divorce - just quit caring, and act as roommates. That's so dangerous, and I remember literally feeling my eyes get big as I faced what was going on in my mind. I was very easily succumbing to a belief that is contrary to everything I stand for and have promised to honor with my life.


We have come through these hard times with a renewed dedication to love each other and work (because it IS work) together, when sometimes, it seemed like it would be easier to just say, "I quit. I'm too tired." This man is not just my husband. He has been my dearest friend for half of my life now. It is humbling to say, "Ok, I get it - I HAVE been there" now, in some ways. I hope it makes me more compassionate and gracious, and that never again do we feel so distant. I pray that God continues to strengthen us individually and together, as He has through these trials. Without Him - oh, I don't want to think of where we'd be. And, to our sweet friends and my parents, thank you so much for faithfully loving us when we had hardly any love left to give back. 


Tears may last for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.
And, I'm so glad.




How long until You defend Your name and set the record right
And how far will You allow the human race to run and hide
And how much can You tolerate our weaknesses
Before You step into our sky blue and say "That’s quite enough!"
Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

I hear that a God who’s good would never let the evil run so long
But I say it’s because You’re good You’re giving us more time, yeah
‘Cause I believe that You love to show us mercy
 
But when will You step into our sky blue
And say "That’s quite enough, and your time is up!"
Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?
Am I naive...
Can I believe...
And can I leave...in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You, to ask You, to ask You
How long?

~Chris Rice~

Just silliness

The other morning before school, Elijah found some flower-shaped clings that had been on Abigail's window. He pulled several off, and showed me how to be silly and put one on his nose. He and Abigail giggled and were so funny, I had to take some pictures and have my turn too.

Summer Survival - Fun Ideas for the 'Ham

Get ready - it's a HUGE list!! I can't take credit for it though - it was forwarded to me. Some events are free, and most of the rest are cheap. If you want to do any of these as a group, just comment below and I'll email you. Have fun!

Summer Survival Guide

Weekly Activities (some libraries require registration)

Monday: Barnes and Noble Patton Creek story time 10:30 a.m.; North Shelby Library Toddler Tales 9:30, 10:30 and 11:30 a.m.

Tuesday: VH Library Toddler Time 10:30 a.m.; Pottery Barn Kids story time 10 a.m.

Wednesday: Barnes and Noble Summit story time 11 a.m.

Thursday: Milestone Books (Vest) story time 10:30 a.m.; Hoover Library story time 10:30 a.m.; PJ Story Time North Shelby Library 7 p.m.

Friday: Milestone Books story time 10:30 a.m.; Zoo story time 10 a.m.

Saturday: Barnes and Noble Patton Creek story time 10:30 a.m.; Barnes and Noble Summit story time 11a.m.; Birthday cake at McWane 10 a.m.

Local Playground Play Dates (set up by some of our friends) 9-11 a.m.

May 21 Spain Park/Veteran’s Park (one of the best playgrounds in b’ham!)

May 28 Greystone Park (behind Hoover fire station 7)

June 4 Herdmont Park (on Hwy 119)

June 11 Mt. Laurel Park

June 18 Inverness Park (behind Hoover fire station 8 on Inverness Pkwy near Valleydale Rd)

June 25 Overton Park (on Overton Rd. in Mtn Brook, next to fire station)

July 2 Wald Park (Vestavia, off Hwy 31)

July 9 Mt. Laurel Park

July 16 Herdmont Park

July 23 Overton Park

July 30 Spain Park

Kids Eat Free (with adult meal)

Sunday: Schlotzky’s Hoover

Monday: Moe’s

Tuesday: Pizza Hut buffet, Chick-fil-A hwy 280, Roly Poly Patton Creek

Wednesday: Schlotzky’s Hoover, Applebee’s (after 5 p.m.)

Thursday: Captain D’s

Rave Motion Pictures Free Movies – Patton Creek and Lee Branch

All movies start at 10 a.m.

June 10/11 Alvin and the Chipmunks (PG)

June 17/18 Bee Movie (PG)

June 24/25 Shrek the Third (PG)

July 1/2 Fire House Dog (PG)

July 8/9 Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (G)

July 15/16 Charlotte’s Web (G)

July 22/23 Surf’s Up (PG)

July 29/30 Veggie Tales (G)

Vestavia Hills Library – registration required for some events. See vestavia.lib.al.us/

June 4 Puppet Show – Aesop’s Fables 10:30 a.m.

June 5 Juggling Show 2 p.m.

June 9 Magic Show and Ice Cream 6 p.m.

June 12 Creepy Crawlies Show 3 p.m.

June 18 Picnic 11a.m.

June 19 Razzle Dazzle Chemistry 3 p.m.

June 26 Theatre “The Tortoise and the Hare” 10:30 a.m.

July 9 Music Show – Jim Aycock 10:30 a.m.

July 14 Drummer and Musician 6:30 p.m.

July 17 Amazing Animals 3 p.m.

July 22 Safari Greg 10:30 a.m.

Hoover Library (hooverlibrary.org/files/kids_sr_cal_2008.pdf)

Most shows are at 10:30 and 1:30 Tues and Wed, and 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday only

May 27/28 Puppet Show and Pizza Party

June 3/4 Dinoman

June 10/11 Jim Aycock

June 17/18 Puppet Show

June 24/25 Theatre “The Tortoise and the Hare”

July 1/2 Magic Show

July 8/9 Puppet Show

July 15/16 Roger Day (he will also be at Crestline Library on July 22 at 6 p.m.)

July 22/23 David Chicken

North Shelby Library (on Hwy 119) registration required for some events (439-5504)

June 2 Matinee – Bee Movie 2 p.m.

June 3 McWane: Creepy Crawlers show 10:30 a.m.

June 4 Puppet Show 2 p.m. Aesop’s Fables

June 9 Matinee – A Bug’s Life 2 p.m.

June 10 Storytelling and Face Painting 11 a.m.

June 16 Theatre – The Ransom of Red Chief 2 p.m.

June 17 Matinee – Alvin and the Chipmonks 2 p.m.

June 19 Ice Cream Party 7 p.m.

June 23 Special story time with Willa Brigham 1 p.m.

June 24 Matinee – Enchanted 2 p.m.

June 30 Matinee – The Pirates that Don’t Do Anything (Veggie Tales) 2 p.m.

July 7 Matinee – The Water Horse 2 p.m.

July 8 Magic Show 11 a.m.

July 14 The Critters Show 2 p.m. (live animals)

July 15 McWane: Stardome Constellation 10:30 a.m.

July 15 Matinee – Dora Summer Explorer 2 p.m.

July 21 Matinee – The Spiderwick Chronicles 2 p.m.

July 22 Dance and drum show 11 a.m.

McWane Center (mcwane.org)

Itty Bitty Science Everyday at 10 a.m.

Really Cold Stuff Everyday at noon

Gulf Feeding (eels) Mon/Wed/Fri at 1 p.m.

Ocean’s Edge Tuesday/Thursday at 1 p.m.

Science@Mac’s Everyday at 2 p.m.

Paleo Explorations Everyday at 4 p.m.

May 30 Harry Potter Camp-in (overnight)

June 8, July 13, Aug 10 Challenger Learning Center 1-4 p.m.

IMAX Theater Grand Canyon Adventure May 24-Nov 26

Dinosaurs Alive Now through Sept 5

Everest May 24-July 27

Fly Me to the Moon opens Aug 18

Birmingham Barons afternoon and early evening home games (good for little ones!) All other home games begin after 7 p.m.

May 28 12:35 p.m.

June 8 2:05 p.m.

June 18 11:05 p.m.

June 22 2:05 p.m.

July 9 11:05 p.m.

August 3 5:05 p.m.

August 10 5:05 p.m.

Alabama Theatre (alabamatheatre.com)

All children’s movies begin at 2 p.m.

June 7 Snow White

June 21 Beauty and the Beast

July 12 Willy Wonka

July 19 The Lion King

July 26 Sleeping Beauty

August 2 Gremlins

August 9 Cinderella

August 16 The Wizard of Oz

August 23 Enchanted

Birmingham Zoo (birminghamzoo.com)

Sea Lion Splash Show everyday at 10:30 and 3

Big Snake Day June 14, 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.

Animal Play Day July 18, 10 a.m.

Harvest Day September 13

Pottery Barn Kids

July 23, August 27 Concerts featuring children’s entertainment 10 and 11 a.m.

Don’t Forget these year-round activities/locations:

Aldridge Gardens

Botanical Gardens

Alabama Adventure

Oak Mountain State Park

Bud’s Best Cookies – factory tour train ride, free cookies

Recreation Station – Valleydale near 280

Pump It Up – Open play schedule varies

Vestavia, Oak Mtn., and Brunswick Bowling

Vulcan Park (Birthday Bash June 1, 1-4 p.m.)

Alabama U Pick farms (http://www.agi.alabama.gov/alabama_u-pick)

no words

Pretty much everyone on the planet knows that Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman lost their youngest daughter last week. Through a tragic accident, sweet Maria's life on earth ended after just five years. I have thought of them, and prayed for their family, so much since I first read the news late that night of her death. I've awakened numerous nights from sleep, with their family on my heart. All I know to do is to pray for strength for them. This is the second family well-known in the Christian music community to lose a child in as many months. I mentioned the other family, Todd and Angie Smith, back in April. Today I checked Angie's blog to read of another baby lost. Todd's sister Nicol Smith Sponberg, who was one of the original members of Selah with him, went to check on her 2 month old son last night, only to find he wasn't breathing.

When I sent the email about the Chapmans' loss to a small group of prayer warriors, my sweet friend Jamie replied simply, "no words." I guess I feel the same way. What is there to say? How do we respond to grief of this magnitude? I don't know how to articulate the thoughts in my head and the heaviness in my heart. But, because I'm going to have to write it out, I guess I'm typing this to just plead for friends who read this to ask for strength and comfort for them. I don't have anything much to add beyond my hope for their families to lean on God to get them through another heartache and for others to be brought to Him because of their witness and faith. I've been sitting here digesting the news, contemplating whether to even share it on this blog or not. Death is part of life, and so it shouldn't surprise us, but I guess when the one lost is a child, it's just so hard for us to take.

Jamie and I were just talking about this song today, written by Steven Curtis Chapman for friends who lost a daughter years ago in a freak accident. That family was one of the first to arrive at the Chapmans' last Wednesday, offering comfort since they truly can say, 'We know how you feel.' If you want to read more about their story and Maria's service, go here. Anyway, just digesting, and processing, and praying.

With Hope
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say "Well done"
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope