for Grayson

This post is in honor and memory of a woman I had very few personal encounters with. Her name was Kathy, and she touched my life so profoundly, that it's almost hard to describe. I taught school for almost 5 years at a great local Christian school. I loved teaching there, and I had great experiences with awesome families and co-workers. It just was a super time in my life. I miss a lot about it, though I'm thankful to be home now, teaching my own kids. My last year with 1st graders, I had a student named Grayson. As the new year began, we had the typical open house/meet the teacher time. I remember meeting Grayson and his family, along with 17 or so other families that night. His mom was really sweet and stood out in the way that she quickly recapped their summer, preparing for first grade, her concerns and hopes, and overall just seemed like one of those moms that really is involved and will be someone you can count on. She had several close friends in the class, and it was neat to see the familiarity between them. We began school that week, and it was a normal transitional time, but proved to be a great class immediately. Within the first couple of weeks though, Kathy sent a note letting me know that she'd be going in to the hospital for an outpatient test because of some recent headaches and other problems. Her note was simple, but she mainly wanted to let me know who would pick Grayson up that afternoon, and asked for prayer for their family. I saw her in carpool that afternoon, and didn't even get to speak, but waved goodbye as they pulled out.
What happened next was like a horrible nightmare that lasted for the next seven and a half months. Some of the events are fuzzy to me, but basically, the test showed a mass on her brain, and the physician opted to go ahead and do a biopsy. During the biopsy, there were complications that caused Kathy to go into a coma. She was unresponsive for days. In the meantime, Eddie, Grayson's dad, had his dad and stepmom help with Grayson and Kathryn, his almost 2 year old sister. Kathy's parents were no longer living. When Kathy finally did come out of the coma,with stroke-like symptoms (immobility and loss of speech) there was only bad news. The mass was malignant cancer, a glioblastoma-an aggressive, inoperable brain tumor.
I remember just being shaken when I was told, thinking she was too young and healthy-looking to be terminally ill, and with young children, surely God would not allow that diagnosis to come true. Throughout the fall and winter though, we went through the many changes in their family with them - home nursing care was brought in, various chemo meds. were tried, and families in our school rallied to support them. I set up a schedule of different moms to take Grayson home after school each day to do homework with him and care for him so Eddie could work some, and we had volunteers from throughout the elementary school do meals for them, nearly every weekday for months, so there was one less thing for Eddie to deal with in the evenings. Kathryn had friends help care for her and overall, we tried to keep their routines as consistent as possible. Because of Kathy's godly character and friendly nature, many families knew her and were eager to help. It was a powerful thing to see these families just take this burden on as an extended family and love on Grayson and his family.
I visited Kathy several times during those months, assuring her we loved them and were trying hard to love on Grayson like she'd want, and I shared things he'd accomplished in school. She rarely spoke, but she always smiled gently and softly said, "Thank you." She had been a gifted songwriter and guitarist and there was usually praise music in the background when I visited their home. I always left so sad, seeing her condition worsen each time.
We knew after the first of the year that things were not getting better and the chemo wasn't working, only had caused her to lose her beautiful, auburn hair. My class had prayed for months that God would heal Mrs. Kathy if it was the best thing, and we discussed how that was what we wanted, but we wanted Him to do what was right. It was hard to try to teach that, much less mean it sincerely myself. I had no preparation for dealing with the subject of death with first graders and no college course helped me know what to say. I just prayed and cried with them, and was as real as I knew how to be. They knew it was likely she would not get better and were so compassionate to Grayson that it just touched me. I think they all grew up a lot by going through that experience together. One of the Scripture passages we learned each year really came to be our rock to lean on. We probably said it daily during that time - it comforted us so much. It talks about how we aren't immune to trouble as believers, but that God does know and He will deliver us - sometimes though in different ways from what we hoped. Here it is:
Psalm 34:17-19

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all.

When March 10 came,and God finally relieved Kathy's body of her pain and suffering, she left this earth after being surrounded by family and close friends, singing songs she loved, around her bed at home. Her sister-in-law called me that night, and we just cried together as she told me the struggle was over.
Grayson missed the next day of school and I had to share with the class during Bible time that his mom had died that night before. The kids' faces were so sad, some seemed surprised, and it was so quiet as I told them that God had decided Mrs. Kathy's life was over on earth. I got very teary and knew it was important that they still trusted God's hand in something that seemed so awful to us at the time. I asked, "So, do you think that God answered our prayers?" One by one, numerous kids nodded, and someone said, "Yes - he did what was best." It was a profoundly touching moment, where I really saw child-like faith in action, and I just sat there with tears flowing, and told them how thankful I was that they knew the truth. We again said our verses together and just spent a lot of time hugging that morning.
Grayson came back the next day and I'd warned the students to be careful with him - to let him lead us with the conversation. If he wanted to talk about his mom, we would. If not, we'd just say we were sorry and leave him alone. He came in almost as bubbly as ever, and several kids had made him cards, just of their own volition, and gave them to him. I heard many say, "We're so sorry about your mom, Grayson," and he'd just say, "Thanks." It was amazing. The next few days were hard, as we prepared for the funeral and tried to be normal in the class, and also very sensitive to the way the children handled the loss of a friend's mother.
That Saturday, my Mom, James and I went to Kathy's homegoing celebration. I have yet to be in any worship service that came close to matching the incredible praise that was offered that day. Numerous friends and family members spoke, a video of photographs and video clips of Kathy and Eddie were shown, even from as far back as their dating years when they were young teens. There was footage of her playing her guitar and singing, and I was so glad to hear her beautiful voice. We sang songs, praising God and the way He'd blessed so many with her life and testimony, giving heart and God-honoring example. The Gospel was shared and many were touched by the Truth that gave a family such courage during such heartbreak. I was blown away by the hundreds and hundreds of people whose lives had been touched by this lady, and it was a true testament to the beautiful life she'd lived. There's a lot to be said for grieving with hope, too.
Each year in late August I think of the day she went into the hospital and each March, I think of how she left her family at such a young age. It's a sad memory, but also one that shows God's incredible grace because of the way He's moved in her family even after her death. Eddie has remarried a beautiful, godly woman who loved Grayson and Kathryn as if she'd given birth to them. Kathryn probably will never remember much of her Mom, but Diane has done a lot to keep her memory alive in both children. It warms my heart to run into them occasionally and see how God continues to use them as a light to others. Kathryn is gifted musically like Kathy, and could hardly resemble her mom more. She sings specials in church, at the young age of 10, and I know she'll continue to be encouraged to share her beautiful voice.
When my own Mom was diagnosed with cancer last year, Eddie was one of the first people I told, because I wanted him to know that their experience was one of the only ones I had ever had with cancer, and it just meant a lot to have his concern and prayers. Our story ended so much happier, and we're blessed to still have my Mom with us today.
I could go on and on with this story, sharing quotes I kept from Grayson, questions he asked about his mom and heaven, and more, but mainly, I just want to say how our lives are such fleeting things and we never know how long we're going to have on this earth. We have to be careful to make the most of them and I wonder if we give much thought to the legacy we'll leave behind. To close, I have to share one of my favorite songs by Chris Rice.

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living