Reflections of 2011

Disclaimer: This New Year's Eve post isn't one that is full of resolutions or plans for the new year. I am reflective and pondering how this year shaped me as a believer, and a wife, mom, and friend to others. I know in some ways I am wiser and stronger than I was before, but that has come at a cost. I'm also more vulnerable to feeling pain, more aware of others' hurts, and more driven to impact others with Christ's love, after seeing in fresh ways how He has changed, stretched, and healed me.

Many have already stated that they are relieved we are at the end of 2011. I agree. Our family struggled this year in ways we have never before, really due to the fallout of 2009-2010. This year itself hasn't contained horrible events, losses, or calamity for us personally, but we have felt the effects so greatly of the previous two years. Grieving the loss of loved ones, and dealing with struggles with children and our homelife brought out some unwelcome habits in my life especially. The hardest things I struggled with this year were two enemies - fear and worry. I have never in my life faced such a hard time with these characters. I have even boasted many times over the years that my natural tendency is to just not be a worrywart, and I'm not afraid of much of anything. God showed me clearly this year how consuming those traits can be when we allow them to sneakily put down roots and grow to the point that they are all-consuming. The heaviness they added to my days, as they lodged and spread in my mind and thoughts was so hard to face and overcome. I know that I have the potential to again allow thoughts of potential tragedy or fatal illness or other horrible scenario to consume me. However, I pray that I have learned how to recognize the path that led me to those places and that I will not revisit them again.
 
I am grateful to be able to look back with relief that our family did not just merely survive this year, but we truly grew through pain and troubles, together as a family, and individually, as we had to depend on God's strength and His Word. If you have faced trials or currently are dealing with some hard scenarios, I pray these words will comfort you and enable you to persevere, knowing you have a loving Father who is faithfully available to you.

Truths I have read and believed, but saw clearer than ever in 2011:

When fear and worry became frequent occurrences for the first time in my life, I clung to these verses. He did grant peace and has eased my thoughts time and time again.  >Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.<

My testimony is that Christ has enabled me to see His power, through my struggle with depression and fear this year. I needed Him and praise Him for the grace given to me.

 >2 Corinthians 12:9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.<

A believer's life is filled with struggles. Why we are surprised when trouble comes, I don't understand. The Bible warns us they will, and that the Lord knows, hears us cry out, and gets us through those times. He doesn't remove the pain from our lives, but delivers us through the pain. >Psalm 34:17-19 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.<

I am not mature, but am maturing as my eyes have been opened to have more compassion and relate in new ways to friends and loved ones who are hurting. He has enabled me to persevere and I can encourage others that He will use trials to do the same maturing in their lives. >James 2:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.<

This is one of my favorite verses ever, and it follows the first Scripture above. It makes sense too, in that context. DON'T worry, but DO think on holy things. So many times the worry comes when my mind is filled with things which are obviously NOT true, NOT honorable, and NOT right. I'm such a slow learner, but I'm learning! :-) >Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.<

More blog posts to come on a book that I am still currently reading, but which has shaken me to realize how to view life with fresh eyes, full of gratitude, and how that simple state of mind - thankfulness - combats all of the sinful behaviors I struggle with most. I cannot dwell on who or what I miss, things that make me sad, and what bad thing may come to pass, if I am truly thankful for the blessings in my life.