Friendship, gratitude, and hope

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Friendship is a multi-faceted thing. I have lots of friends and am grateful for how God weaves people into the fabric of my daily life. Some are sort of like main characters in the drama and comedy that is my current life: wife/motherhood, homeschooling, Christian living.... Then there are others who have guest appearances for a time, and then our paths become divergent for a while. We reconnect, and maintain a casual relationship, but they are not folks I talk to daily. We all have those lifelong friends who have been through so many ups and downs with us, that we will always remain close, despite some breaks in frequent communication. Some of those lifelong friends have been friends for over 20 years, and some are more recently gained. I'm amazed at how I think that I have such a full heart, blessed with sisters, not of blood, but of tears, laughter, common focus, and then God brings another precious friend into my life. It's a blessing to learn and grow from them.

This post is about one of those friends that I didn't go looking for, but whom God placed in my life to challenge and stretch me in great ways. The fact that our common bond was initially forged through homeschooling and parenting wasn't even that apparent. We weren't close friends though we traveled in the same circles, lived in the same little town, and our kids belonged to the same sports team and school groups. We knew of each other, had emailed some, and smiled and nodded when we crossed paths. I knew of her reputation as a mom and someone who was involved in her family's life to a wonderful extent - her priorities were her family and God.

The way we became friends was through loss. Our friendship's foundation is built on grief. That's a hard way to learn the ins and outs of a person, when they're most vulnerable, and could be so fragile emotionally. It's also a way to grow to deeply love a person, when you share their great heartache and see them emerge through the darkest days, determined to be stronger, to fight through the pain, and to live, even when it would seem easier to just give up on life. Friendships typically are a blend of giving and taking, and sharing the burdens and the joys. When grief is involved, you can't go into a relationship expecting anything of the other person, but must be willing to only give. What I found though, was that my friend still gave, even when she was heartbroken and in gut-wrenching pain. She responded kindly, encouraging me, and was always patient with my questions, and my awkward stumbling through conversations as I tried to not hurt her when we talked. Gradually, I shared more, and she answered my wonderings about many subjects with her opinions or experiences, and we had more and more moments of laughter and normalcy. 

Today, I can't imagine not having this friend as a confidante and example to follow. She has given great amounts of time to my own working through grief, and never says she can't listen, or it's too hard on her. She continually points to God as her source of strength through the years since she lost her daughter, and hers isn't a newfound faith. Her dependence was on Christ before Abigail was killed, and has only grown greater since that day. Her testimony is powerful and she is determined to give Him the glory for any good that has come out of their family's tragedy.

Thank you Brandy, for being my friend, and for being a shining light of Hope, that honors our Lord, and your sweet girl.