85 years: Mamaw, part 4

continued from  http://jvinesfamily.blogspot.com/2014/07/85-years-mamaw-part-3.html

Bobbie in 8th grade

still so much the same sweet, beautiful face

Though she had some health concerns over the years with her diabetes, back pain, then vision problems related to diabetes, and a short, victorious battle against breast cancer, overall Mamaw's health was mostly stable.

However, she started struggling more and more with her memory and some confusion that led to a doctor's determination that is one of the hardest diagnoses for a family to receive. To realize that Mamaw would require medication to treat her for not an outward physical problem, but the fact that her brain was failing her, was very painful for us all. I talked to a friend who had unfortunately had great experience with her father struggling with Alzheimer's and was a good listening ear as I mourned that we were going to face losing the essence of who Mamaw really was by some evil disease. Though I had feared losing her for so long, I had not imagined we would be robbed of her life slowly and painfully as Alzheimer's does.

a sweet bond between Owen and Mamaw 2/11

 More than before, we saw every day that was spent with her as a gift. Medication was trial and error and somedays she was herself, and others, she was far from it. One aunt bore the brunt of her personality changing, and cared for her for that last year and while I am so thankful for that, I hate that she was the one to receive the worst of the situation by far.

Mother's Day 2012

Mamaw enjoyed our visits, and loved to see us coming, bringing our loud silliness her way.  Though some family members may at times become agitated or annoyed by rowdy children, Mamaw merely laughed at their antics, and never seemed flustered at the commotion that came from many small great-grandchildren running around her. She was able to come see us in our new home, something I had longed for, but been afraid to hope would happen. We had several more holidays together, including a huge Easter party with almost all of the kids, grandkids and great grandkids present. She smiled so much, and we took tons of photos.

Thanksgiving 2012 with most grandkids and great grands

The combination of her confused mental state, her medicine and her increasing unsteadiness resulted in a fall that sent Mamaw to the hospital in the spring of 2013. She was bruised and had an injured shoulder, and looked pretty pitiful when we were able to see her. She came home with in-home physical therapy, and though resistant at first, soon we saw some of that spunk return, and she progressed again.

That summer Elijah and Owen spent several days at her home while the rest of us were in Swaziland. My aunt took care of them in addition to Mamaw, and they were so happy to have that time in her house, just like I had done many years before. They felt like they had been on a great vacation with the fun treats and activities that Mamaw and Lisa had for them. 

following her fall, Easter 2013 with almost all grandkids

After we returned from Africa, we visited her with our exchange student Julia, who really delighted Mamaw. Always eager to meet new people, Mamaw asked questions and got to know our sweet German daughter. It was our first time to see her after our Swaziland trip, so she was full of questions about that too. I had brought photos for her, and she looked at them patiently, interested in what we had done, what the children thought, asking Abigail and Isaac what they liked about the trip. Always a fan of young ones, she oohed and aahed and chuckled at the fun glimpses she saw in photos of our little Swazi friends. She commented that she wished she had been able to help us financially and that she was so glad we had been able to have such an experience.

Our last visit with Mamaw and the day Julia met her

Within a couple of weeks of that visit, Mamaw had fallen again, and this time she was in need of longer term rehabilitation services to regain strength. This time, she didn't rebound the same and she just wasn't positive about the rehab needed. After being moved to a facility to get more care, it seems that she really decided she was done with struggling. The morning after she went to stay at the new place to recover, we woke up to the call that she passed away. Though the words should have been somewhat expected, given her age and health, my heart just broke.

The next few days were hard and so sad. I just wanted the reality to not be true, though it was also difficult to let myself grieve. I shed so few tears that I started feeling worried something was wrong with me. I guess part of me was afraid to really begin accepting that she was gone, and since I had not seen her during her final weeks, my last memory was of her sweet self talking about Swaziland, and gushing over Julia, and telling us she loved us as we said goodbye. I'm thankful for that, and feel guilt over it too. Grieving with Julia, who had quickly loved Mamaw added another dimension to our relationship - she was even more like family as she hurt with us. I am sure partly that we all were relieved she was no longer struggling physically, and that in some ways, she had beat Alzheimer's - it never took all of her, and she retained some dignity and knew us until the very end, which of course, was a great blessing we had not been sure we would have.

It has always made me proud that folks of each generation knew that Mamaw was as special as I believed. Her funeral was a great show of support by folks from all these different walks of life and connections. People came out to say goodbye and to give us hugs. She was compared to the Proverbs 31 woman, as a lady who worked hard to care for her family and others, who had a good reputation and was talented in many ways. That was so true of her. The service was powerful and beautiful; lots and lots of family, friends from decades past, former coworkers, even one of the home health therapists that had treated her that last year.

Owen at Mamaw's, fall of 2012

Elijah at Mamaw's, fall of 2012

A final memory to share, and I'll end this multiple post story for now:

In the fall of 2012, when the kids and I visited a lot, helping Aunt Lisa as I 'interviewed' and wrote down lots of her stories, we also did some cleaning and renovating in Mamaw's kitchen. There was this funny phenomenon that kept occurring. In the warm sunshine of windows and corners of the house, we found ladybugs, every. single. visit. They flew around, landed on us, the boys caught them and followed them around...it was almost odd, that they were so numerous. It was something funny and cute and cheerful, that we needed somedays when we were tired of painting or redoing cabinets, or dealing with Mamaw being a bit demanding of Lisa. After that point, anytime we saw a ladybug anywhere else, the kids would say "Look! One of Mamaw's ladybugs!" like she owned all the ladybugs of the world or something. I loved it and knew it was a memory being made.

at her funeral

one of my most favorite people ever

 I really think it was this precious gift that God allowed to encourage and remind us how very much He knows our hurts, our complicated emotions, and the little things that matter. I hoped and prayed that ladybug would be still until the end of the words spoken, and it did. I was very glad to be able to walk up to it and put out my hand for it to land on so I could have this photo to remind me in years to come. A gift - like my Mamaw.