Paths

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your paths. Prov. 3:5-6

Most of you know that my sweet husband is an NICU nurse, a career he thoroughly enjoys. The path to get to this job was one that has required a great deal of sacrifice on our family's part, as far as comfort and financial security go, for the last few years. Like "they" say, though, nothing worth having comes easily or cheaply, and that certainly has held true in this case. Seeing his enjoyment and satisfaction in his job is worth a whole lot, and knowing that God is using him to touch the lives of these babies and their families, is even more incredible.
He recently had a situation where he said at that moment it was so clear that he was doing EXACTLY what he'd been created to do. Though the circumstances were difficult, and it was emotionally and mentally exhausting, he knew that God put him there to be used as a nurse, and as a compassionate human being. He knew that he had done his best to care for that infant's needs while he could, and was thankful for that opportunity. Later the parents specifically complimented James and the other nursing staff, for their compassion.
I was so proud of him, though I was before anyway. I knew before this week that he was doing what God made him for, but it's nice to see him realize that. I just keep thinking of how sometimes it seems our paths in life wander around, taking us places we really don't want to be, or sometimes where we wonder, "Did I take a wrong turn somewhere?" or we ask, "Are we there yet?" wondering what our final destination is supposed to be. I don't just mean in an occupation, but in LIFE. James certainly felt that way many times over the past 10-15 years: taking algebra 3 times as a pre-requisite for nursing and never passing; realizing God was instead calling him to Bible college; once there, meeting me; then after several years of marriage, and adopting a little boy who had himself been a NICU baby born at 29 weeks, realizing God may be giving him back that dream of nursing. He tried algebra again, sailing through with a B+! Suddenly, it all seemed clear, the delayed fulfillment of that dream was finally within reach. Then, when he had to retake a semester, due to one bad test score, we wondered again. The path had seemed so clear, and then when things got a little stressful, we nearly panicked. Did we miss something? Is this where we're supposed to be? We prayed and waited and determined that it was just a delay, but that we were on the right path and he persevered and finished well. God has obviously blessed him, not to only be working as a nurse, but to be in a unit like the one our own son was in for several months, where he can truly identify with the emotions those families are feeling and then to even be anticipating another new opportunity that would allow him to combine his nursing with flying, which was his ultimate dream all along. God is so good!
So, I just want to remind myself to always be aware - am I just going through motions, because it's familiar, or easier, even if it's not the right place or job or relationship? If we're believers, then obviously, we should trust that God knows our steps, directs our paths, and will lead us, while we're here on Earth, and eventually to our home with Him...IF we seek Him, and trust Him, and listen to His guidance. I know I haven't always done that, and got frustrated when things didn't turn out the way I thought they should, when it was basically my fault.
Also, I don't want to be just a stay-at-home mom who homeschools my kids. I want to be a great wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and woman of faith, and to be more bold in the way I live. If I believe what I say I believe, then I better daily, moment by moment, act like it. I think I know what I'm created for, and am doing part of it. But, is there more that I'm supposed to be doing, and gifts I have that I'm not using? I don't think we can ever get so comfortable we don't evaluate where we are and what we're doing, or we'll miss out on amazing opportunities.
I think of my Mom and Dad, who moved away from their home of over 30 years recently. It was expected by most people who know our family, to be really hard for them, especially for my Mom because she was the one leaving all her friends and routine behind to go to a new town and church and life, while Dad at least knew some of his new co-workers and would have daily interaction with familiar people. Then my Mom blew us all away. She joined a Newcomers Group in Decatur. She got involved in a Ladies' Bible Study, met new neighbors, and had lunch with people she just met, all so soon after moving. For those of you who know her, she admits she is not one to try new things or easily reach out to people she doesn't know - adventurous is not a word used to describe her often :-). But, in that brand new environment, she decided she would walk down the path God had put in front of her. She didn't waste time, or regret moving, or leaving their old church and friends, and embraced the changes with a joyful spirit. Then, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and we saw God using all those friends and contacts she'd made to minister to her, serve her, encourage her and share their own experiences when friends and family members back at "home" couldn't be there or help the way we wanted. We realized how God had moved her just minutes from the doctors, hospital and oncology center she'd need (no long drives to and from Bham, like there would've been if they'd still been living in C'burg), how He'd placed cancer survivors in her Bible study group and neighborhood in Decatur, where there had been not one close friend from her old circle that had been through the same thing...the confirmations go on and on, that He had directed my parents' paths, because they'd trusted in Him, and were living their lives depending on Him. My Mom's witness to others and her testimony through all of this have made me more proud of her than I can even express. I think that has been an amazing part of her purpose here on earth, and for that reason, we're so grateful that God chose our family to go through this time.
Probably where this is all stemming from is the fact that I want to challenge myself to really believe these words and live them out. That's not easy, especially when I tend to be like my Mom's former self, and love the same old routine and surroundings, and am not so fired up about ever leaving my cozy home, friends, and church that I love - even when it might mean moving closer to my parents, or towards another, even more fulfilling life. I resist any mention James makes of considering a move northward, and am struggling to admit that God may be using my husband to stretch my faith and wings a little, even if not in the immediate future. I need a lot more faith and openness of mind to consider that God's plan may require my current agenda to be disrupted. So, if you don't mind praying for me in that area, that would be great. Thanks for letting me think this through while typing this post!