Sugar's story

Super sweet pup post-camping trip when Jacob found her - Fall 1998

On August 30, we said goodbye to our precious 14 year old chocolate lab, Sugar. I needed to grieve and process, of course, by writing about her. So, you can read it if you like. {Disclaimer: If you're not an animal lover, you'll probably scoff at the sentimentality and details included in this post, in which case I'd ask you to skip on over to another blog. This is being told for my children mainly, to read when they're older, because we love to reminisce in this family. Also, and unfortunately, death has been a big part of their young lives, so I need to, for all of our sakes, get this all out. Thanks.}

Sugar actually was my brother's dog first. Jacob found her when hiking Buck's Pocket, up in northeast Alabama, in the fall of 1998. She was just a pup, apparently separated from her owner. She was a beautiful, Hershey brown, seemingly full-bred Labrador Retriever and Jacob questioned the park ranger, but he said no one had come back for her and she'd been hanging around for a few days. Sweet girl was all ears and big feet, just a few months old, with super soft fur and a typically precious and loyal lab personality. So, she became his - Shug Jordan Tubbs, or "Sugar", as she has more commonly been called. Her name was partly inspired by the legendary coach of Auburn football, since Jacob was in his senior year at the university when he found her. He also heard a great old U2 song while snuggling her one of those first days, and knew it just fit, because she was "the sweetest thing."

1999

When he finished college and was heading to law school at that other university in our state, Jacob knew he'd be in an apartment not conducive to a 75 pound dog, plus would be studying long hours away from home. We happened to be dogless, having lost our beloved Weimeraner, Memphis, just months prior, and were preparing to move into a home with a huge fenced backyard. We happily added Sugar to our little family, and were thankful to give her a home. Chasing a tennis ball or frisbee, or lounging with anyone who would snuggle with her were her favorite pasttimes. Then, as we adopted Isaac the next year, she had a new playmate, and was a loyal guardian of him, always so gentle, and eager to play when he was. As our family grew, she accepted each new member happily.

with the ever-present tennis ball 6/11

Dogs are not called man's best friend without good reason. Shug was the epitome of unconditional love, faithfully wagging that big beaver tail, and perking her bushy eyebrows up whenever we walked near her. She was protective and would bark some, but only if there was a really good reason. Over the last few years, she has definitely aged, and we half-joked that she seemed to have canine Alzheimers. She would dig out of our backyard and wander down to my sweet dog-loving neighbor sometimes, especially if there was a rainstorm and we didn't bring her inside in time. Andrea faithfully brought her back, or kept her if she escaped when we were not at home. That happened WAY too many times, but she never went far thankfully.

Then, we moved to this new house last summer. Within the first month, Sugar escaped again, during the July 4th fireworks show down the road. The noise spooked her, and we weren't home, and she was gone when we returned. We searched multiple times daily, put out signs EVERYWHERE, called vets, shared on Facebook....we were getting hopeless, knowing her age and the heat would probably lessen her chances of a safe return. Then, 8 days later, a neighbor called and had her. She was nearly starved, so dehydrated, but wagged that tail so hard when we pulled up! Poor thing was just a few houses down the road and just could not find her way home. We knew then she was fading and her time with us was probably limited.

But, Shug pulled through, becoming an almost totally indoor dog for months. She rested a lot and took it easy, regaining strength. This spring she was looking so good and since Rose, Abigail's beagle, is her little buddy, we started putting them together in the dog pen most days. She preferred it out there again, and was content and happy to see what was going on. We would still throw the tennis ball for her some, but her sight and hearing were so poor, she usually couldn't see where it was. Her back end became stiff and she was struggling getting up and down, but never seemed to be in real pain, and still was getting around well these past six months or so.

Abigail went out early Monday morning to feed the dogs and called from the yard. My heart sank, because I knew that was not a good sign. Sugar was lying in front of the inside of the gate and would not move, except for raising her head. I got in there beside her, propped up her head, and talked to her. She struggled to get her feet under her and just couldn't. I tried to lift underneath her to at least help her sit, and she couldn't. She was also breathing rapidly and I was afraid she was in pain.After a quick call to the vet, who encouraged me to bring her in, I hauled her huge self to the van. There were some worrisome moments on the way, because she would pant really hard and then sound like she was hardly breathing. The sweet staff met us at the van with a stretcher and two of them lifted her carefully and took her in that way.

Some quick evaluation gave Dr. Fuller info to rule out cancer, a common concern with large, older dogs, and he suggested doing basic labs and then we could check in later. When I called back, he basically still felt it was just a stroke, and no organ damage or disease. He recommended keeping her a couple of days to see if she could recover, and they'd keep a close eye on her nutrition and all as well. So, we did that, and called to check back each day.

sleepy girl

Wednesday evening, I had put off calling as long as possible since I was out of town celebrating my Mom's birthday and just didn't want any sad news to weigh on us. Dr. Fuller kindly told me Sugar just was not any better, and her 14 year old body was worn out. There really was nothing else we could do for her, and that she was on a lot of pain medication to keep her comfortable. Since I couldn't get back in time to see her then before they closed, we had to wait till this morning to visit her and that was really hard. I worried all night that she was struggling worse and felt a lot of guilt that we didn't make it by in time yesterday. It was hard this rainy morning to get everyone up early to go see her, but we wanted to do it as a family before Isaac had to go to school and James had to go to work.

We went to a room and they brought her in quickly. I expected her to perk up when she saw us and she just didn't. That made me very sad, because it was obvious she just wasn't herself. We all laid on her and held her paws and rubbed her ears, and James, Abi and I cried a whole lot.

Goodness, it just hurts. Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard - I don't care if they are human or animal. It sure doesn't matter if they have an eternal soul either at that point - it stinks that there will be no more memories with that precious being. That is what I was thinking. We did not want her to suffer. We just did not want her to have to be gone either.

It was obvious that she needed to just go, and her body was weary. The kids left the room and James and I stayed with her as Dr. Fuller took care of helping her go into the deepest, most peaceful sleep. It really was a relief and I sighed so big, when she just stopped that whiffling, tired breathing. She was so precious and painfree at last.

We have cried tons. My face hurts from the crying. It's hardest watching Abigail hurt, because she cares for the pets' needs the most, and she loves them so deeply. Grieving with children is exhausting work, and explaining how death is part of life is a familiar discussion for us now, but it's not any easier. Hearing Elijah (4) cry while saying that Rose is going to miss her big sister, and 2 year old Owen say, "Us don't leave Sugar there! I want her with us ever and EVER!" just about is more than I can handle.

I guess what I'm realizing is this, and it's just not about an awesome dog, (though awesome she was):

We treasure life, ALL kinds. 

I love growing plants, seeing chicks mature into hens, and especially having children, and on and on. So that makes the end of a life really painful. We have lost so many loved ones these past few years, and each subsequent loss makes all the others hurt worse again somehow. That just seems unfair. I've already grieved and missed those folks enough, in really deep ways, and don't want to go there again!

It is also weird how memories are so attached to seasons and events and so many things have flooded my mind this last week about that sweet girl. Jacob and I have texted about it all, because of the time she represented in our lives I guess. His college years, people in our lives back then, our life before kids, and the years since that she has all been part of and to which she added so much.

paw print ornament from the crematorium

my men working on her grave

this one was hard to see - Rose sniffing what we were working on

Isaac wanted this job. Thankful for his heart.

Placing the memorial stones

a day as beautiful as Sugar

We had a simple memorial as a family yesterday. Tears flowed again, a week after her death. Due to her size and circumstances, we had her cremated. That was easier eventually, but difficult at first, as you can imagine trying to explain that to young kids. Yecch. Anyway, we all shared memories of this sweet blessing, and the kids all contributed by choosing where we'd put her ashes, digging her grave, gathering wildflowers to honor her spot, and placing stones and a cross of sticks on the grave. The sweetness of it, the beauty of the day, all just about made it more than we could handle, but overall, it was a precious conclusion to her life and one of those times as a family that you're thankful to share together, even if it hurts in the middle of it.

On to happy and silly memories: 

Sugar and Rose, getting to know each other - summer 2010

Sugar never hurt anyone, never even acted upset with our cats, or annoyed by silly Rose.

I loved watching her with Rose, a bouncy beagle, jumping up to nip Sugar's ears. Sugar would just sling her head, and "wooo---ooof" in this low voice, like "Goodness, you're pesky."

She could've sat on Rose and squished her, but she'd just put up with her. Rose would climb all over Sugar and wake her up, and Sugar tolerated her and was so gentle.

Being a Labrador Retriever, Sugar could retrieve anything and everything. She loved to catch sticks, balls, frisbees, pinecones.

Her wonderful, body-twisting jumps in the air to catch a frisbee were a thing of beauty. 

She seriously laughed at us with her mouth hanging open sometimes.

She loved to shred pinecones with her teeth on our deck, or laying out in the yard. Such a mess. So worth it to see her happy.

She would swim in Joe Tucker Park's lake after a frisbee over and over and over, and keep going till we would fear she'd drown from exhaustion, her mouth and nose just barely peeking up out of the water.

She loved bones, and once swallowed one whole we tossed to her. We had to get an x-ray to make sure it wasn't stuck!

Isaac loved her as soon as he first came to live with us. They spent a lot of time looking at each other through the deck door and played together great too. He instantly trusted her.

seeing her after his first night spent at our house 8/00

in the sandbox 4/01

buddies

Sugar was a big chicken with thunderstorms and fireworks these last few years and would knock us down to get in the house when we opened the door during either.

She howled so funny when the weather sirens would go off or a fire truck left the station, since both were very close to our house in Helena. 

The baby pool was her favorite in the summer heat. Sugar laid out there so much her fur got all bleached from the sun and she was more caramel than chocolatey colored.  

Shug would lay on our deck and stare through the sliding door at us with pitiful eyes during meals. 

The kids all rode her back when they were small, like she was their horse, and she happily let them.

Though part of me wants to say "No more pets!" because of this part of it, they are worth the pain. Years of enjoyment and love surely outweigh the separation at the end. We are truly thankful to have been blessed with such a gift. We love you so much Sugar!! And, thanks, Jac.

summer 2011