Jennifer 2.0

I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze 

than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, 

than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

― Jack London

This quote is one my Dad shared with me many moons ago. He loved it and wanted me to write it in calligraphy for him to frame. I never did. {So sorry, Dad. I'll try to get on that.}

Anyway.
I keep thinking through these words and doing some self-evaluation. I've realized that most of my life I was considered a laidback person. Some would have called me so easy-going that I was nearly lazy (Mom). ;-)   I can still be laidback in dealing with people, because I am still not generally confrontational, and I don't like lots of drama or anything. However, I have seen a shift in my attitude with life recently. And, probably a great deal of that change has come from the pain and loss we've experienced as a family in these last 3-4 years. Nothing will wake a person up from being in a super phlegmatic, 'wait-and-see' type lifestyle like multiple dear folks dying around them without warning. Or, in our case, that's what did it. Seeing loved ones grieve and experiencing deep waves of grief ourselves has shaken us awake. James and I both feel it and realize it.

So, things have shifted somewhat. Now, I am accused often of being 'too busy.' People who mean well and care about me have been known to almost scold me lately to take care of myself, not wear myself too thin, and to be sure I'm not overdoing it.

I do know that there is great wisdom in those words. I NEED to hear the caution, especially as it comes from godly people who have my best interest at heart. It is a lot to balance - being a mama and teacher to multiple kiddos, being a wife and homemaker, serving as administrator of a cover school for homeschooling families, growing an adoption support network with several other moms, working with a team to raise support for a carepoint in Africa - these are important responsibilities and privileges I don't take lightly. I do not want to neglect my family for other duties I am involved in. I know that we can overdo things when they become obsessions or ways of escaping. I pray often that my motives remain pure and are not selfish or attention seeking.

But wow! These are things that have eternal impact and are so heavy on my heart. They're not hobbies that are consuming my time, but real life investment into people I love. They are all jobs with great importance and that I am passionate about. I can get FIRED UP if you ask why I started homeschooling, or why adoption matters so much to me. If you need to know why I went to Africa, prepare to sit awhile and listen to me share. I am not easy-going when it comes to how every. single. person. I know should somehow be involved in supporting or doing ministry to orphans.

Over and over, I think these thoughts:

Life is very fleeting. 

There is so much we can experience and enjoy and share and give. 

We don't have time to waste.

James and I have not sought out ways to necessarily wear ourselves out in exhaustion of trying to milk the most out of every second just for the sake of saying we did so. But, we're finding ourselves more and more ready to invest wholeheartedly in things that really matter, to work hard to keep commitments with relationships and ministries that God has clearly shown us are our responsibilities. We don't even know yet what all that means or will lead us to do. We are sure though, that we are not going to just spend time sitting here, wasting our precious gifts of life. We will use our time. Will you pray that we do so wisely? And, will you commit to doing so as well? 

Life Means So Much - Chris Rice

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much
Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much
Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living