Our beautiful boy turns 14

Isaac turned 14 this month. It has been a month of busyness, but he deserves his own blog post for such a milestone, so I am sitting down determined to get it documented.

We have fought hard through our relationship this year, my oldest and me. There is a whole lot that is his story to tell, but I will at least sum it with saying that being a teenager is hard, no matter who you are. If you add in some learning struggles, being the oldest in a family of people with very different personalities than yourself, and also the adoption and attachment factor, life can be a doozy. The past few years have been HARD. This past year has been painful at times, beyond my imagination and anything I could have prepared for. At times, we have not liked each other much, and we have struggled to live peaceably in our home. Hurt and fear and resentment from deep within Isaac have been directed toward me, even though afterward he'd say that things were not my fault and he really didn't mean them. It still hurt, though. Forgiveness and grace have been words and actions we have had to both employ to get through such hurdles. Not knowing how to communicate how he's felt, or even what he has felt, has frustrated him to no end. Counselors have helped us work through a lot of stuff, and we are seeing more and more hope, and glimpses of true relationship; real communication, voluntary hugs, spontaneous "I love you, Mom."  I cannot explain the depth of feeling that wells up within me when those moments occur. They keep me going and give me strength that we are fighting this monster of discouragement and anxiety back again, with true Love and Hope in Christ as our weapons. Unconditional love - such a gift.

So, this birthday meant more than just another year older. It meant not only did we survive, we have made progress, and we can rejoice that we were all together, as a family working on being better together. We are grateful for Isaac's life, and for his birthmom who had courage to do the right, hard thing when she relinquished her rights to mother him. I am forever grateful. I'm more grateful that God chose me to mother him, and how He forgives me when I fail miserably, and how Isaac does the same - a gift of forgiveness.

To the fellow adoptive parents I text late at night, my parents who know all the good and bad and still cheer us on, the counselors who offer wisdom and also compassion - how could we have made it without you? You have given us courage to see each day as full of new mercies, because you remind us so. Another gift...

A public school teacher who educates him and gives me great feedback on his behavior and progress at school, so I can focus on being a mom right now has blessed us so much. A bus driver who has been an encourager, a listening ear, and another set of eyes to watch over our son daily - both unexpected gifts to bring peace and comfort to Isaac and us.

We have youth workers and ministers at church and other adults in our lives who have taken Isaac on as their buddy, who have poured into him and loved him where he is. That is a kind of patience that ministers to him of course, but you have no idea what it means to us as his parents. Thank you for the gift of your patience.

This song is one of those I listened to and sang a lot to him as I snuggled him to sleep when he was first transitioning to our home. The words still bring me to tears every single time I hear them. They sum up this precious gift we've been given, and how grateful I am to be able to be the mom to such a son. They fit our lives then, and still do now. We are getting better, but it is such hard work. However, even as he ages and has to separate from us some, we are learning together. So grateful.

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

--John Lennon

getting to know you

first night at our house

adoption celebration photo

joy

 

family of 4

brotherly love

growing up

sweet snaggle tooth

wonderful special olympics day

14!

10 year old turtle

family party